Flirtatious Friday: Not Tonight, Honey

“Not tonight honey.”

“I have a headache.”

“I’m just too tired.”

“Really?!?! I mean really?!?!?! You want to do what? Right now?! I just got the baby/kids down! I’ve been working all day. I’ve been cleaning ALL day! I. Am. Exhausted!”

<Say nothing, but put on full pajamas and get in bed and under covers quick. Turn away and make it obvious! If he tries ANYTHING, move further away.>

Has this ever been you? No! Not me either ;-).

Hmmm… that’s not true. Confession. One that I am not proud of! This used to be me sometimes.

I don’t remember much before Conner was born, haha, but after he was born I had much more on my mind, and guess what?! It. Wasn’t. Sex. Shocker… I know! But, that should be a sad shocker.

As a woman, I believe this is an easier trap for us to fall into. We are not wired like our husbands are wired. We do not think like them. Oftentimes, I think we fall into the victim mindset. I am tired. I am worn out. I have been busy. I didn’t get any sleep. I take care of the kids more than he does. I don’t get a break. And now HE wants sex?!?! Is he kidding?!?! Poor us right?

Several years ago, I worked with a man who was married but they did not always get along. He was upset by many of her choices and contemplated divorce often. He also had no problem pointing out attractive women. I would NEVER use him or his marriage as a standard for how marriage should look, but I remember one conversation we had very clearly.

I don’t remember how the conversation got started, but he made a comment that his wife NEVER turns him down.

What?! Really?! There are wives who NEVER turn their husbands down?!

I mean, I tried not to do it every time, but let’s be honest, I was TIRED. I would dread going to bed sometimes knowing he would probably want to have sex. Isn’t that terrible?

Maybe you are not like that and you have sex all the time ;-). Good for you! I am glad!!!

I am being honest for the women who are like how I used to be until God got a hold of me. He reminded me this was a GIFT from Him to us. To our marriage.

A GIFT?!?! Sometimes it felt more like a chore than a gift. WOW! Too honest???

And honestly, when I did decide, “Ok fine. I will do it.” I did enjoy it and think how we should really do this more.

There is no closer connection you can have with someone. It is such a deep (no pun intended… ok maybe a little haha) connection that cannot be replaced.

What does the Bible say about sex?

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have the authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7: 3-6

“Do not deprive each other.” WOW! And what was I doing?

My husband LOVES me! He works hard for this family and I recognize how much he does for us. He needs me to want him. He NEEDS me to allow him to have me. It is one of his best ways to show his love for me. And he saves it for me ONLY!

“Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

We live in a world FULL of sin. Full of pornography and addictions. Full of women who want our incredible men. Believe it or not, even if he drives you crazy, there may be some woman eyeing him.

If you deny him, does that give him the right to fall into porn or have sex with another woman? NO WAY!… BUT it will be easier to fight those temptations if he is fulfilled at home. It’s the truth.

I cannot remember when I first made the choice to never almost never turn him down, because it has been so long ago now, but it has made a big difference in our relationship! He is happy. I am happy.

I almost never go to bed dreading or worrying about if he wants to have sex. Instead I go expecting it and preparing myself. I get my mind where it needs to be. Free of the thoughts of the day. Free of the to-do lists for tomorrow. And ready to accept his offer.

Another thing that helps is that I am honest with him. I let him know some things that help me stay focused, like music. So now, when I am brushing my teeth and I hear him turn on music, I just smile and I know, he is getting ready! Little things like this help him tell me he wants to have sex and allows me to get my mind prepared. I am a woman so that is my most difficult obstacle.

Tell your husband what he can do to signal to you in advance so it doesn’t catch you off guard. Although, those quickies are fun too!

So, I just want to encourage you, if you often dread going to bed, or prepare your excuse in advance, try setting a goal to not turn your husband down. Relax and enjoy it!

I am mainly (as always) writing to the women, but I guess this could go for men too.

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Flirtatious Friday: Bringing Sexy Back

Love

  • I began working at our church… so this could cause question lol
  • Our church gained new Pastors and I wasn’t sure what they would think haha
  • And well… I guess I started shying away from intense topics such as these!

So, why did I decide to officially bring them back?

  • Well, many of my readers have missed them 😉 and requested I bring them back
  • Sex is ALL over the place, and why not talk about it in a Christian context and encourage married couples to ENJOY it! 

I remember one time, shortly after James and I got married, we went to lunch with another couple. The husband, right in front of his wife, talked about his theory that there is something in the wedding cake. He went on to explain that before marriage, women seemed excited and looking forward to the marriage bed and things to come, but then after the wedding day she seemed uninterested or motivated. 

Confession: I have been guilty of this. Guilty of being busy, tired, overwhelmed, etc. etc. etc. 

But still, this made me sad. Our husbands show their love best through sex. That may seem strange to us, but we were created differently. And aren’t we glad we were created differently?!?

I know I am! I want a man’s man! One who gets his hands dirty. Works hard for his family. Fixes things. And he NEEDS to show me he loves me! And I NEED to let him. 

So, FINE! I am bringing Flirtatious Friday back! But since you asked for it, you are going to get it. There. Will. Be. A. Challenge. It won’t be easy! 

Will you join me? What topics do you want to know more about? (you can also email responses privately to HisRibBlog@gmail.com)

Thankful Thursday: A Caring Husband

Tuesday I woke up and could tell something was coming. I told James I needed to make sure and take my echinacea, garlic and vitamin c! I wish I would remember my spoon full of honey, but oh we’ll.

By that evening I was not doing well. I wasn’t thinking straight and I was aching. It was an early to bed night for me!

I woke up a couple of hours after going to bed and I was aching all over and shaking. James got me some meds to help me feel better.

But WOW, a couple hours after that, I woke up screaming! I had this very, VERY sharp pain in my back and I was in A LOT of pain! I couldn’t move but was soooo uncomfortable! My husband quickly got up to get me some stronger meds.

I hardly ever take meds. I prefer a more natural approach in most things but this was beyond that.

He got me my heating pad and helped put it under my back. I managed to get back to sleep. Once I awoke Wednesday morning, my right arm was stiff and I could not move my head around at all.

Fortunately, it was my husband’s day off. He kindly got up with the boys and let me stay in bed ALL DAY! I couldn’t move without excruciating pain. He let me sleep and brought me food once I was ready.

How appropriate that today is Valentine’s Day! I’m so blessed with such a wonderfully caring husband. He truly takes his vows seriously. He cares for me when I am sick. In my worse. I love him more and more each day!

What are you thankful for on this Valentine’s Day?

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The Plans of the Righteous Are Just

Proverbs 12:5 says “The plans of the righteous are just,…”

It amazes me how different life is when there is a plan involved!

When we plan our budget, we our wiser with our spending. More money goes to saving and paying off debt than when we had no plan at all. My husband and I love Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University!

If I make a workout schedule, or use a workout guide such as P90x or 42 days to fit, then I almost always do my workout. This keeps me energetic and feeling good!

Menu planning is another great way to plan. It helps avoid over spending or eating things you would rather not be eating. When I’ve scheduled out our menus, we eat out less and I’m less panicked at meal time.

Plans work for all kinds of things. Housecleaning, kids’ chores, prayer time, Bible reading, reading in general, tv time, eating, etc.

So should our lives be planned out for every minute? Well I guess this depends on the person. I’m finding more and more, the better my day is planned out the more I will accomplish. And… not just that, the more detailed plan the more likely I am to stick to goals I have, like watching less tv and reading more! But I must have flexibility and free time too!!

So here I go with some plans! Keep in mind, not everyone’s plan will look the same. Also, some days will not go as planned. Maybe the kids get sick, or you get sick, or friends/family come in town to visit, or you need to help someone out, etc. etc. etc. I believe the key for me will to be flexible! Not everyday will look the way I want it to, BUT it is better to aim at something and miss than to aim at nothing at all and hit it every time!

Join me in making plans for your days!

Do you have a daily plan already in motion? What does it look like?

Touchy Topic: GOD “GETS” MEN

I am so very excited about today’s post! About a year ago I ran across this wonderful blog – Peacefulwife – and I was amazed at how much I “was” this woman. I was a feminist and so WAS she. I was am learning how to better respect my husband and submit. She has been there and has so many wonderful stories of her transformation and how great her marriage is now as a result. April has kindly written a guest post for me so please join me in welcoming her <applause>!

He understands men and women extremely well. He did create both of us, after all. And He created marriage, sex, attraction, families, masculinity and femininity. So Who better to know what it takes to make marriage work and work well?

Our culture has completely ditched God’s prescriptions for a joyful, solid, healthy marriage and has redefined masculinity, femininity and marriage to be what we want it to be. Feminism has taught us that men and women are not only “equal” – which they are of equal value in God’s sight – but that we are the “same.” There is a HUGE difference between being of equal value and being the same in spiritual/emotional/physical/sexual makeup.

So, many of us grew up never questioning that men need love just like we do. We assume they think and feel just like we do and that if we give more love, that will fix all the problems in our marriages.

Unfortunately, we have forgotten what men need in marriage, and as a result, husbands and wives are largely miserable.

SIGNS THAT A WIFE MIGHT NEED TO LOOK A BIT CLOSER AT GOD’S WAYS:

– I am angry with my husband a lot
– I am full of resentment
– I feel like I am carrying the weight of the family on my shoulders alone
– I feel like my husband is “another child”
– I constantly badmouth my husband to others and tell them how awful he is so they will sympathize with me and see what a miserable life I have and pity me
– I boss my husband around, tell him what to do, lecture him, scold him, criticize him often, roll my eyes, sigh in disgust, give him “the look” that I think he is inept and/or use the angry mama voice a lot
– I complain to and about him and argue with him often
– I have no joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness or self-control around my husband
– I am anxious, stressed and afraid in my marriage often
– I believe that if my husband “would just be more loving” or would “stop doing X” that our problems would all be solved and our marriage would be the amazing union I dreamed it would be
– I know that my husband’s sins are WAY worse than mine and HE is the problem
– I feel very lonely in my marriage
– my husband barely touches me and doesn’t seem to care about my feelings
– I have my heart set on my husband behaving a certain way and things working out a certain way and I CANNOT and WILL NOT be content or happy unless I have what I want
– I believe I am always right and my husband is always wrong
– I believe I am spiritually superior to my husband
– I believe I am a better leader than your husband
– I don’t think my husband is able to lead our family
– I don’t trust my husband
– I don’t cooperate with my husband’s ideas
– I refuse to listen to his perspective and act like his ideas are worthless
– I think if I had a more godly husband, life would be wonderful

This is not an exhaustive list – but it is a start.

WHAT DO THESE SYMPTOMS MEAN?

Well, primarily, it means that I am not filled with God’s Spirit. Either I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior if this list describes me in my marriage, or I have so grieved God’s Spirit that I have reduced His flow into my life to a trickle.

When I have God’s Spirit filling me and consuming me, I will have all the fruit of the Spirit on a daily basis: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control Galatians 5:22

If I don’t have His Spirit empowering me, I am probably cherishing sin in my heart.

The sins I cherished were:
– idolatry (of myself, of my way, of my desires, of my feelings of being loved, of expecting my husband to be Christ and be perfect and meet all my needs)
– PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE – thinking I knew best, better than my husband, and really, better than God’s Word
– unforgiveness – I couldn’t/wouldn’t/didn’t know how to forgive
– gossip – talking about my husband with bitterness

These are HUGE sins that deeply offend the heart of God. As long as I am holding onto those sins and cherishing them more than my intimacy with Christ, God will oppose me.

BEING A GODLY WIFE GOD’S WAY

To be a godly wife, I must be willing to do things God’s way. God’s design for marriage is primarily found in Ephesians 5:22-33, but also in Genesis 3, Titus 2:2-5, I Peter 3:1-6 and I Corinthians 11:3.

God designed men to need to lead in marriage. He made them to thrive on respect. That is why He commands wives to respect their husbands and submit to (willingly cooperate with) their husbands’ God-given authority (unless our husbands are asking us to sin or condone sin).

FIRST – I must decide to submit totally to Jesus Christ. I lay my whole life before Him and die to myself. I give up my dreams, my way, my will, my purposes, my wisdom, my rights, my plans and I yield fully to His control. I respect Him as LORD.

THEN – out of love and reverence for Christ, I begin to desire to obey Him in all things, even things that are culturally unacceptable, or weird, or counter-intuitive to my female, human mind.

And as I embrace His ways and obey Him – I discover that unspeakable peace and joy await me. After the pain of dying to self, there is a new, abundant life! Then God becomes my partner and empowers me to do things I can’t do on my own. He teaches me to look for the best in my husband (Philippians 4:8) and to build him up with my words, to praise what is good, to encourage him, to show faith in him. He teaches me to share my feelings with my husband in a pleasant, calm, non-threatening way. And then to trust that if my husband disagrees and decides to do something I don’t want to do, that my God is SO SOVEREIGN that He can and will lead me through my sinful, human husband in His will for His glory.

So I can’t lose! I am seeking God’s will and glory, not mine. I don’t know the way there. So I can trust that He will use all things for my good and His glory because I love Him and that even my husbands’ sin and mistakes will bring me to the place God wants me to be. So I can be at peace. I can be content no matter what my husband does or does not do – because my hope is firmly set on Christ. He is my strength and joy.

SO EMPOWERING

Husbands are drawn and attracted to our respect, trust and faith. They are repelled by our disrespect and dominating/controlling behavior. Husbands have a long list of things that speak respect and disrespect to them that most wives know nothing about! They think and feel in an entirely different way than we do. And if we can learn this new language of respect, we can meet their God-given needs and draw our men closer to us and to God.

It’s hard to look at our own sin. But that is where our power is in our relationship with God and our husbands! I CAN control me. I can’t control my husband. I can’t control God. When I focus on MY responsibilities to my husband and to God and I do it because Christ is the most important thing in my life, not to try to manipulate my husband – GOD SHOWS UP. And miracles happen!

Check out my blog at www.peacefulwife.com for more about these topics!

You Are What You Eat

surrounded

Well guess what?! This is NOT about food!

The actual title should read:

         You Are What You Eat Read

Or

         You Are What You Eat Listen To

Or

         You Are What You Eat Surround Yourself With

While I do think what we eat and put into our bodies is very important, it is not my focus today.

Have you noticed how things you read on Facebook, in a book, or things you hear people talking about, affect the way you act, talk, or your mood overall?

I notice this all the time! I have especially noticed lately. I’ve been following quite a few blogs by homeschooling moms with large families; like The Marathon Mom, Smockity Frocks, and Sacred Mommyhood. I’ve also read many of Peacefulwife’s blog posts and as always, my wonderful Above Rubies magazines!  In addition to their posts, their wonderful Facebook updates also encourage me! All this, along with daily scripture readings, have and are continuing to mold me into the woman, mother, wife, friend, and overall person I want and God wants me to be.

You know what I discovered? My attitude towards my children, my husband, and what my life was like, was being changed.

Before I surrounded myself with positive things everywhere, I would read friends posts on Facebook, and lets face it, oftentimes it was complaining

         about all the housework that HAD to be done

         the children that were nagging them

         bitterness about their husband not being home enough 

        how they needed a break from the kids and couldn’t wait to get away from this life they have

and the list goes on and on. Now, before you attack me :), I know as moms and wives we do need some me time. We do need some breaks, BUT we chose to get married and to have children, and I believe God has called us to that life, so why not make the most of it?!

So what’s my point? Is it to tell moms to stop complaining and get over it? NO!! My point is to simply show how different my life became once I surrounded myself with positive people.

Now that I am reading and seeing, DAILY, wives and moms who LOVE their lives and talk about them in a more positive way, I find myself feeling the same way. Is cleaning the house and changing poopy diapers a blast? Um not really, but is it going to be anymore fun if all I do is complain about?

I love following these wonderful women! And why? Because they talk about real life, which is not always glamorous, but can be a fun ride!

I choose to surround myself with women who act like they want their children. Who are not looking for the quickest way to get rid of them (school, day care, friends houses, etc.). We get such little time with our children (approximately 18 years of their 70-80 or so years) and it flies by! And for those who send their children away to school, they get even less time with their children. (Side note: I am NOT condemning anyone who sends their children to school, I am talking about those who CANNOT wait until they finally go back to school)

I want to make the most of this time! I want to enjoy it rather than dread it. Will I need a break in that 18 years? Yes!! But if I don’t get one should I complain and cry in my poor pathetic life? Absolutely NOT! I should figure out how to enjoy it and make it work for me! Maybe my break is after the kids go to bed, or before they get up. My breaks are my workouts, or my blog times. I choose to be creative! It is my life and I want to enjoy my children in it.

My mother-in-law is a great example of this! She is a great example of a woman who loves her kids and grandchildren. She loves staying home and taking care of her house and husband. What a wonderful example of an above rubies woman! Is she perfect? Sorry Janey… but no! None of us are, but we can choose to enjoy our lives and do what God has called us to do as women!

I also choose to surround myself with women who love and respect their husband. As I have mentioned on here before, this has not always come easy to me. As a former feminist, I came into the marriage a bit dominating. I held “old fashion” views on being a wife and mom, but did not exactly want to do them. The women I learn from, respect their husbands. They are true examples of helpmates! I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman! I want to be a Titus 2 woman! What better way to do this than to learn and surround myself with great examples of these.

The Bible gives clear direction that as young moms and wives we are to learn from those ahead of us. I want to learn from those being led by God and setting a good example of what I want to be. I DO NOT have time, or want to waste my time, on those who insist on being negative and live in bitterness and resentment. I CHOOSE because it is that, a CHOICE! I am what I surround myself with!

What do you surround yourself with?

Can You Be a Feminist and Still Be a Godly Woman?

King James Version of the Bible

Recently I posted A Former Feminist. Something I should have considered is the many, many definitions of being a feminist. I don’t know that I was clear on what I meant by feminist and I know that many assumed what I meant and labeled me as a hypocrite immediately. (Fortunately, God has been working on me to not care so much what others think, but focus on what God wants for my life!)

Either way, it got me thinking about the topic, A LOT. God really began speaking to me about what it means to be a feminist and what it means to be a Godly woman. So I posed the question to a number of women. Many of my friends and family responded and I was so pleased with what they had to say! Quite a variety of responses. I want to start there and then I will get to my opinion. They are in no particular order and unedited. Enjoy…

     “I don’t think so… God has called us to be submissive and to embrace our roles as women and I don’t think a godly woman has any room to pursue equal rights or feministic view points. We are called to put off ourselves, put on Christ and live a sacrificial lifestyle, love our children, love our husbands, serve one another. We were made differently than men, with different gifts and we should use those created gifts as best we can to honor the Lord.”
     
~Brandi, wife and mother of 4 and expecting

     “I believe that a feminist can be a Godly woman. True feminism to me is to support the rights of women; which would not have gotten a lot of attention had it not been for the feminist movement. It’s like the suffrage movement worked to get women the right to vote. I don’t believe that God is against that. Just because you speak does not mean that you do not respect God.”
     
~Anonymous, wife and mother of 1

     “I had to be the head of my home when I was married or it would have fallen to the children. Would I have been otherwise? Prob not.”
     
~Anonymous, mother of 2

     “I certainly think you can be a feminist and a Godly woman. I think unfortunately the current modern-day feminists have done damage to women and I don’t think they represent what the original feminists represented.”
     
~Anonymous, wife and mother of 2

     “The definition of feminism is advocating social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of men. Given that definition, I would ask were men created greater than women? Were we not all created in God’s image? While our roles may be different, our roles should be equal in dignity, honor and worth. While you may disagree with some things considered “feminist”, there are many things you obviously are ok with, such as the fact that you can wear pants and have a job. If you completely disagree with feminism your life would be entirely different than it is now.”
     
~Sara, wife and mother of 1

     “My feelings on this subject are not the popular opinion, I’m ok with that. My hubby calls me a chauvinist, and I’m ok with that 😉
     I believe that God created men & women differently, we need different things, we are good at different things. This is not to say we can’t be good at things not traditionally our “roles” because God also made every single person different.
     So that being said I believe my role in life is a helpmate for my Hubby. I cook & clean (not as often as I should, but I am a work in progress), I listen to him, I respect his opinions & decisions. In return he loves me & provides the security I desperately need.
     I am not against Women’s rights, I vote, I share opinions with my Hubby without fear of being shutdown. But I have a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to Feminism. I feel that once women started getting treated equal, they just continued to push because they think it will never be good enough.
     Every person is different & every couple is different, the most important thing is to find the perfect balance for your relationship. Hubby & I tell each other all the time that our relationship is our favorite ;)”
     
~Krystle, wife, at Just Me Writing to You

     “I think Proverbs 31 kind of clears up the whole can one be a feminist and still be a Godly woman. Especially the last line: “Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. (KJV)” Since the “gates” were places of merchandising and trade, I think it is rather accepting of the feminist woman. It does not explicitly say that she was at the gates, but the phrase before it would indicate that she was the one actually selling the merchandise at the gates (participating in business outside the home).
     Another idea is that the Bible likens Gods people (men and women) to a bride for a bridegroom. If a woman cannot be a feminist (here feminist is defined as deserving of equal rights and treatment as a man), than this presents a break in the analogy because the Bible also says we are to work (whatever that is for the person). To not allow a woman to be feminist would disallow said woman to work in the way she may be called to do. Hence this would violate both the work mandate and therefore the bridegroom mandate. Thus making the Bible an illogical picture of who we are to be to Christ. That is just plain illogical because even if one does not believe in Christ or God, it is very difficult to suggest that any book would present a theme and then contradict its own theme.”
     
~Eric, husband

     “Perhaps feminism, in its infancy, was truly a great movement to free women from oppression and abuse. I mean, we won the awesome right to vote! But those things have been clearly and foolishly redefined recently in America. We live in the grandest country for women in the world, we have more opportunities than anywhere else and yet I still hear us complaining of tyranny! The cry reaches out from the beginning itself with Eve and the curse. The Hebrew word translated “desire” in the passage of chapter 3 actually means “desiring to have mastery over”, which implies all women ever afterward will strive to have mastery over men, and the answer is that men will in response rule over the women (uh, sound a little familiar?). Women cry out for equality and the abolition of every female oppression, but the way we go about that reveals what’s really in our hearts. I hear today women demanding the legislation of evil atrocity (abortion) in the name of defending their bodies. This is weakness in the heart of the woman, the weakness that the new feminism has taught us- entitlements without personal responsibility. Chapter 8 of Proverbs personifies WISDOM as a woman. This should be the point of reference for every feeling and desire and campaign we have to be great- to be the embodiment of wisdom. And wisdom is never weak.”
     
~Erin, wife and mother of 1

     “I believe Jesus came to set the captives free. For His time He was a feminist. He stopped a crowd from killing an adulterous woman by telling them to cast the first stone if they were without sin. Mary and Martha: who was best.? The one doing a woman’s work or the one learning Jesus teachings? And this in a time when custom dictated her to serve. Care of the unwed mother? Mary was provided for. The woman at the well? She brought people to see Jesus because he made time to speak with her. Mary Magdalene the prostitute? Redeemed.  Jesus is about love. If a relationship between two spouses is built on that and the desire to do God’s will then prayer will dictate that they can come together and make the right decision even when they disagree. Not all relationships are like this and then it us our job as Christians to see that the weaker party is protected. Women’s rights are necessary to protect women in a world that does not always obey God.”
     
~April, wife

     “I believe that it could be possible to hold some of the tenets of feminism – ie: equal pay for the same job, women’s rights to vote, women are equal in value as human beings as men. Where it gets problematic is that the vast majority of the teachings of feminism in the 1st, 2nd wave and 3rd wave of feminism is that they go counter to God’s Word. So I have to decide if God’s Word is the ultimate authority or if feminism is the ultimate authority. “Radical Womanhood,” by Carolyn McCulley, is a book by a former feminist who is now a Christian. She studied women’s studies in college and was a very radical feminist as a young woman. She goes through the history of feminism. And when you see the roots of the ideas of this movement – they are so counter God, counter the authority structure of God, counter the Bible, counter God’s design for marriage and family and counter God’s design for godly femininity and masculinity -that it is shocking.
     Feminism embraces the idea that the God of the Bible does not exist, and that we can create our own god, or preferably, goddesses. That was even in the 1st wave. The first wave also undermined God’s authority structure in the church by saying that women should have “equal rights” to ministry as men even though the Bible expressly forbids women to teach or have authority over men. By the second wave of feminism, feminists were advocating that marriage and motherhood was oppression and bondage and that women should find fulfillment in career alone. No fault divorce was the biggest victory for 2nd wave feminists that allowed women to leave their husbands without cause or justification. This has dramatically contributed to the skyrocketing divorce rates in our culture. The idea of feminists is, “I don’t need a man. I can take care of myself!” That works ok when a woman is single, but marriage is not about independence, it is about interdependence. And marriage was designed by God to show the very great mystery between Christ and the church. The husband is to represent the love and selfless leadership of Christ. The wife is to represent the adoration, submission, reverence and cooperation of the church with her Lord. Feminists sought to destroy God’s design for marriage. They discredited the Bible. They encouraged sex outside of marriage as being freedom. Today, the 3rd wave of feminism has goals such as: don’t allow biology to define the family anymore, gender should be fluid (people should be able to change genders anytime for any reason), homo-sexuality and bi-sexuality are normal and healthy, there is no absolute truth, women should be in charge not men (in business and the home), women are BETTER than men, men are idiots, women can find freedom in being porn stars and pornography is a good thing.
     With those ideologies, I don’t believe that a godly woman can espouse feminism.
     A godly woman is going to accept God’s design for marriage, His Word as authoritative, His authority structure as divine, His commands for wives as life-giving and joy-producing, and his design for women to be wives and mothers as some of the ultimate fulfillment of godly femininity. A godly woman embraces marriage, embraces God’s Word, embraces respect for her husband and submission to him as God’s authority in the marriage, and embraces children as a gift. A godly woman knows that God’s wisdom is vastly higher than her own or than the wisdom of the culture.
     Feminism appeals to our pride, our rebellion against God and our sinful nature. That is why it is so popular!”
     
~April, wife and mother of 2, at Peacefulwife

     “Feminism was originally a positive movement, focused on giving women the basic rights God intends for every human being to have. Now I think feminism has gone past that and focuses on destroying any trace of a distinction in roles between men and women.
     Feminism Issues:
-Feminism is a counterfeit solution to the real issue of the inequality of women in a sinful society.
-Feminism arrogates to itself the right to demand respect and equality in every aspect of life.
-Feminism is based in arrogance, and it is the opposite of the call to the born-again believer to be a servant.
-The actions of the modern, militant feminists are geared to cause women to rise up and rebel against the order that God has given to mankind.
     Woman of God:
-A believing woman, who is seeking to obey God and walk in peace and grace, should remember that she has equal access to all spiritual blessings in Christ.
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28).
-A believing woman should not allow herself to be in the worldly agenda of the feminist movement. Men and women have a God-given privilege to fulfill the plan He has set for us. Rebellion against that plan and the arrogance that seeks to put self above God’s Word result in very difficult consequences. These consequences are in the destruction of the relationship between husbands and wives, the destruction of the family, and the loss of respect for human life.
     Back to the basics:
Eve believed the lie that eating the fruit would bring her wisdom. She lusted and she took or arrogated to herself something that was forbidden. This is the basis for the feminist movement. Women have bought into the lie that feminism will bring them what they want, what they think that they “deserve.” However, the promise is empty for the premise is based in pride and pride goes before a fall. “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18).
     Conclusion:
There has always been inequality in the world. There is only one race—the human race! Within that race are male and female, different ethnicities, different colors, and different national origins. It is sin in the heart that causes inequality. It is sin in the heart that causes men to treat women in ways that are meant to demean. It is sin that sets one person above another. And it is sin that seeks to use counterfeit solutions to counteract these inequalities. The only true cure for inequality is obedience to God’s Word.”
     
~Carisa, wife and mother of 2

     “If answering the question in the blog post title…my short answer would be no. Simply because the idea of fully self-reliant woman isn’t biblical. God created woman to be a helper to man, and we are meant to live blissfully and harmoniously together, as a blessing to one another. I think a better suited goal would be to aspire to that of Proverbs 31. She is secure. And ultimately, because her God is the LORD.
     So….I would preface that with….how do u define “feminist”? And how do u define “godly woman”? Because there can be unmarried independent godly women……
     The major thing that pops up in my mind when I hear feminist is “women’s rights”……..that is a pendulum that could swing pretty wide……
     and if feminist means independent from needing a man…then that is completely contrary to bible when it says husband is head of the wife….”
     ~Brandy, wife and mother of 8, at The Marathon Mom

     “I am a creative stay at home mom and love using my husbands tools to create my big ideas. I think you can be a strong, motivated, and even a self-sufficient, Godly woman. I feel part of being a Godly woman is needing a man though. As a Godly wife I think it’s impossible to be a feminist because I see a feminist as not needing a man. God called us to be our husbands help mate. (Genesis 2:18 says: Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”) In my opinion; that is being a housewife/homemaker and stay at home mom. I don’t feel you can be the attentive Godly wife a man needs and work too. If you are not there for him how can you be his helper? I know a lot of women that do it and do it well and I commend them. I know it can’t be easy and has to be exhausting.
     Something somewhere has to suffer, and it’s usually the marriage. I personally do a lot of things that would be considered mans work, but I have my limits and that’s when I call the hubby. Ecclesiastes 4:9 tells us: Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 
     If you were unmarried and working ….maybe. I guess it really depends on how independent a woman wants to be.”
     ~Kristi, wife and mother of 4

     “The question ‘can you be a feminist and still be a godly woman?’ Really got me thinking. I do believe you can be a feminist and be a morally good woman, but as far as being a godly woman I think the answer is very much a NO. Let me explain why. The Westminster shorter catechism question one is ‘what is man’s chief end?’ The answer of course being to glorify God and enjoy him forever. I as a woman cannot glorify God by totally focusing on myself, making me my own idol. I cannot serve God while only thinking of myself. You cannot serve two masters.
     Wives are to submit to their own husbands as it says in Ephesians 5:22. We are not to lead our husbands but to follow them. To be their helpers. I think if a feminist were to read that she would quickly become outraged, and rightly so if she looked at it solely from a legalistic point of view. However, as with any stand-alone Scripture, you really need to read it in its context. If we look at verse 25 it says that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. That is some kind of love there. That kind of love is not just a love letter kind of love, that kind of love is respect, to provide for and to protect along with a whole lot more. But we as women have to be careful not to look at this husband-wife relationship as a financial transaction. For example, I should not submit to my husband IF he love/respects me, likewise my husband should not love/respect me only if I submit to him. It is not an “if you then I will” command that God gave us, it is a DO IT command. I think feminism started with the right intentions because women were in the same category as slaves. We had no value, no voice, no rights. The heart issue was spot on. Women and men were created equal. Woman was created out of man’s rib bone. We belong at man’s side, not in front of him leading him, and not behind him trying to catch up. Woman was not made from his foot to be trampled on or stomped on, but man’s side is where we belong. Equal. Not of greater value. Not a lesser value. Equal.”
     ~Lisa, wife and mother of 5

     “I googled “feminist” and found most definitions to be something like, “an advocate for the rights of women in relation to men.” Rights and equality are something that should be fought for. God created us equal before Him. However, we get confused about what that means. Although we are equal, we do not have the same roles. Our different roles are not an indication of our status, but simply differences in our relations with each other. Most feminists fight for completely equal treatment in every way. However, the Bible clearly teaches that we are made different, and therefore should act differently. For instance Titus commands older women to teach younger women to “love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands so that no one will malign the word of God.” Be busy at home and be subject to their husbands? I can hear the feminist’s incredulous, “Are you kidding me?!?” in my head right now. But why are we supposed to do those things? So that no one will malign the word of God. People will speak evil of our God if we do not do these things. So, can we be a Godly woman and a feminist at the same time? Well, if we are trying to make equal rights the same thing as equal roles, then no.”
     ~Erin, wife and mother of 3

     “I think the answer is yes. The feminist movement started with an aim to obtain equality for women in politics (the vote), the economy (equal opportunity for jobs and equal pay), and education (equal access). Recently this has also come to incorporate some trickier social issues such as the right to have an abortion or free access to birth control. Personally, I think that feminist has become a title, much like being a republican or a democrat. A person may agree with many of the issues but disagree with others, seldom does one find that a label is a complete description for their own beliefs.
     Would someone consider me a feminist? I have spent 9 years in higher education, and am in a highly competitive line of work. I have put off starting a family to reach these goals. I suppose they might. I do disagree with abortion, but also recognize that to make it illegal would require defining when life begins. For us as Christians, that is very easy to do. For secular people in the population, that definition is much harder to reach. I do not think we can force Christian beliefs on the general population. I also think it is important to recognize that any label may or may not hold true in all of its particulars for a given individual.”
     ~Anonymous, wife

     “If you mean feminist by someone who is co-equal heir with Christ-equal to men, I believe scripture supports that idea. However, if you mean someone who thinks they are better than or can do something better than another because of their gender, the ‘I can do anything better than you” then, that brings us into issue. This is wrong thinking along with the stubbornness or lack of willingness to be in submission to authority. This is not a godly attitude not just with women but with men, as well.”
     ~Stephanie, wife and mother of 6

     “I think it’s important that as women we advocate for those in need and become a voice to the voiceless. Feminism in today’s society warps many individuals into thinking that being an advocate and fighting for justice means equality. I am a firm believer that God made all of us equally and with the same intention. I feel that as women we have an innate desire and responsibility to nurture and stand beside others with compassion and a fierce love. With that said, I believe it goes completely against biblical principle to encourage, fight and advocate for abortion or marriage for lesbians. If you are a true follower for Christ, your desires become His desires. What breaks His heart should break yours. Instead of advocating for the senseless murder of innocent babies and skewed perspectives of love and marriage in the name of “women’s rights” we should be praying for, loving on and showing compassion for our fellow women. Abortion and same-sex marriage is not a God-given right and to say that they are changes the word of God. It’s a fine line- feminism and being a Godly woman… I personally feel that the two, in today’s standards, cannot coincide with each other.”
     ~Tara, wife and mother of 1

     “(This was a comment for your last post, but it also answers the question you asked.) Great post, Tiffany. I understand what you’re trying to say here–not that you want women to return to the days when they were not allowed to vote, own property, or even express an opinion in some circumstances. But, I do think that a lot of the rights that women have been ‘blessed’ with have perhaps been a double-edged sword for us also. Sure, we can work in the marketplace and earn just as much as men, but at what cost to our families, and our society. We have a culture with new terminology like ‘latch-key kids,’ before- and after-school care,’ and a whole new business world of day cares and preschools–all related to the hours the mother is no longer in the home providing care and nurturing for her own children. Of course, this is just ONE area that has been affected by feminism. Dictionary.com defines Feminism as “the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men. ” And that’s the issue for me…feminism seems so selfish–it’s all about ‘Me” with a big M. That is the opposite of Christ’s teaching, which says “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ” Philippians 2:3 NIV That should be for BOTH partners in a marriage, but it certainly doesn’t fit the view I have of feminism.
The real issue is that Christ intended the marriage covenant to be a ‘picture’ of His relationship with His bride, the church. And in THAT relationship, Christ is clearly the head, the church is clearly NOT. I think it grieves Him when women have a ‘rebellious’ attitude toward their husbands–the “I can do it my way, and it’ll be BETTER” attitude. And even if a woman DID marry a jerk, God honors the POSITION of head of the relationship/husband because that’s how He created it to work. So, if the woman who is married to a ‘jerk’ will just be obedient to God’s Word and honor her husband, God can work on him and actually make him into a Godly husband.”
     ~Janey, wife and mother of 6

WOW! What a variety of thoughts and opinions from all different kinds of women and even a husband’s perspective. I love how thought-provoking this question is and I loved reading each and every quote.

There are so many definitions (according to our own personal definitions) for being a feminist. Some would call any woman who works a feminist. I have met many women who work, wear pants, and vote that I would never classify as a ‘feminist.”

I appreciate the rights I have as a woman in America, but I would be lying if I didn’t see how some of these rights have been the demise of the family and marriage even in our Christian homes.

After quitting my teaching job to stay at home, God began to change me as a wife and a mom. Our home was much different. Things were calmer, less stressful, peaceful. I trusted in God to provide instead of me and my job. In turn, I trusted my husband as our financial provider. I allowed him to lead our home. I was happier! My husband and children were happier. God began to show me how to be the biblical wife and mother He has called women to be!

This was so freeing! I no longer felt the need to control every situation. It was so nice to not have to take on all the responsibility. This is what I refer to in my post A Former Feminist. This was my struggle and still is at times. We all have our own struggles and sin. Each of us have things we need to work on and can improve. Not one of us is perfect, but we should strive to be as close as we possibly can.

How sad is it that Christians no longer stand out as different? What makes us unique? We try to take control over so much and claim it is our “right.” It is our “right” to decided when and if we want to have children and how many. It is our “right” to decide who should lead in our home and who makes the big decisions. It is our “right” to work as much as we want and let someone else take care of our home and children. It is our “right” to let our voice be heard no matter how disrespectful it may sound to our husband.

As a godly woman, what makes me different from a worldly woman? (maybe another post lol)

My feminist views were many of the reasons I struggled to allow my husband to lead. My feminist views caused me to try to be better, not just equal, than my husband (or any man for that matter). So are all feminists this way? Absolutely not! But can many of the feminist fights lead to this mindset. Absolutely!

Those are many of my problems with “feminists.” I do not have a problem with all of women’s rights, or being equal to men, but many times it is the fight to be better, not just equal where the problem lays. The fight that focuses on selfish desires instead of God’s desire. My feminist views caused me to be more focused on self rather than Christ! We are to serve, not be served. Man and woman.

We were created equal but with much different roles. We ARE called to be great, but in how we take care of our home. In how we raise our children. In how we serve and share Christ. Men will be held responsible for their actions, and so will we as women.

I will leave you with this:

Proverbs 31

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Titus 2:

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Ephesians 5

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

What do you think, Can You Be a Feminist and Still Be a Godly Woman? What makes a godly woman different from a worldly woman?

My YouTube Workout: Day 2

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I don’t know about you, but my legs are super sore from yesterday! I was walking much slower today, but it made me happy to know I am making a difference in my body! I hope my arms feel this sore tomorrow.So Day 2:

Warm Up and Upper Body Workout Video
4 Sets of Planks for 1 minute
Cardio and Cool Down Video

Today I made it all the way through both videos! I made sure to keep these videos reasonably short for busy moms like me. My arms burned all day! I LOVE this! I could tell I had worked hard and done my best.

Yesterday, I was only able to complete 2 sets of planks at 30 seconds each. Today, I pushed myself to do all 4 sets, but still only at 30 seconds each. I am improving and that is key!

Push yourself harder and harder each time. Don’t push yourself too hard until you are ready, but don’t give up too early! I am feeling good and pumped. Please join me, but if you don’t, find something that fits for you. You will be glad you did.

Are you joining with me? If not, what do you do each day?

My YouTube Workout: Day 1

Image representing YouTube as depicted in Crun...

So excited to be given permission to workout again!!!

I had surgery 3 weeks ago so I have not worked out in a month (the week before surgery I was in terrible pain-hence the surgery). This has been super difficult for me since I love working out and I feel great after doing so!

Most recently I went through P90x and 42 Days to Fit from The Marathon Mom. I very much enjoyed both of these, and they completely challenged me! I find I like variety and also enjoy setting goals. P90x was set for 90 days and of course 42 Days to Fit was, well, 42 days long.

Anyways, I thought it might be fun to see if I could get in a good workout completely through YouTube videos. This leaves no excuses for busy moms with no money to buy workout videos or to buy a gym membership. So here is what I came up with.

I found this website with home workout plan for women. It includes lots of videos, but I decided to choose my own, but use their overall plan.

So Day 1:

Warm Up and Lower Body Workout Video
4 Sets of Planks for 1 minute
Cool Down Video

I wasn’t sure about the first video, but it kicked my butt! Today I only made it through one round, but I will do better next time. I also only did two planks for 30 seconds. They are pretty hardcore.

This workout is not for the weak. I chose the advanced schedule and videos because I have been working out and feel good about moving up. Please make sure to be wise in your workouts! I am not responsible for any misuse of this plan.

I intend to work through this for the next four weeks and I hope you will join me if you don’t already have a plan!!

What do you like to do to workout and to keep you motivated?