“Not tonight honey.”
“I have a headache.”
“I’m just too tired.”
“Really?!?! I mean really?!?!?! You want to do what? Right now?! I just got the baby/kids down! I’ve been working all day. I’ve been cleaning ALL day! I. Am. Exhausted!”
<Say nothing, but put on full pajamas and get in bed and under covers quick. Turn away and make it obvious! If he tries ANYTHING, move further away.>
Has this ever been you? No! Not me either ;-).
Hmmm… that’s not true. Confession. One that I am not proud of! This used to be me sometimes.
I don’t remember much before Conner was born, haha, but after he was born I had much more on my mind, and guess what?! It. Wasn’t. Sex. Shocker… I know! But, that should be a sad shocker.
As a woman, I believe this is an easier trap for us to fall into. We are not wired like our husbands are wired. We do not think like them. Oftentimes, I think we fall into the victim mindset. I am tired. I am worn out. I have been busy. I didn’t get any sleep. I take care of the kids more than he does. I don’t get a break. And now HE wants sex?!?! Is he kidding?!?! Poor us right?
Several years ago, I worked with a man who was married but they did not always get along. He was upset by many of her choices and contemplated divorce often. He also had no problem pointing out attractive women. I would NEVER use him or his marriage as a standard for how marriage should look, but I remember one conversation we had very clearly.
I don’t remember how the conversation got started, but he made a comment that his wife NEVER turns him down.
What?! Really?! There are wives who NEVER turn their husbands down?!
I mean, I tried not to do it every time, but let’s be honest, I was TIRED. I would dread going to bed sometimes knowing he would probably want to have sex. Isn’t that terrible?
Maybe you are not like that and you have sex all the time ;-). Good for you! I am glad!!!
I am being honest for the women who are like how I used to be until God got a hold of me. He reminded me this was a GIFT from Him to us. To our marriage.
A GIFT?!?! Sometimes it felt more like a chore than a gift. WOW! Too honest???
And honestly, when I did decide, “Ok fine. I will do it.” I did enjoy it and think how we should really do this more.
There is no closer connection you can have with someone. It is such a deep (no pun intended… ok maybe a little haha) connection that cannot be replaced.
What does the Bible say about sex?
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have the authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7: 3-6
“Do not deprive each other.” WOW! And what was I doing?
My husband LOVES me! He works hard for this family and I recognize how much he does for us. He needs me to want him. He NEEDS me to allow him to have me. It is one of his best ways to show his love for me. And he saves it for me ONLY!
“Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
We live in a world FULL of sin. Full of pornography and addictions. Full of women who want our incredible men. Believe it or not, even if he drives you crazy, there may be some woman eyeing him.
If you deny him, does that give him the right to fall into porn or have sex with another woman? NO WAY!… BUT it will be easier to fight those temptations if he is fulfilled at home. It’s the truth.
I cannot remember when I first made the choice to
never almost never turn him down, because it has been so long ago now, but it has made a big difference in our relationship! He is happy. I am happy.
I almost never go to bed dreading or worrying about if he wants to have sex. Instead I go expecting it and preparing myself. I get my mind where it needs to be. Free of the thoughts of the day. Free of the to-do lists for tomorrow. And ready to accept his offer.
Another thing that helps is that I am honest with him. I let him know some things that help me stay focused, like music. So now, when I am brushing my teeth and I hear him turn on music, I just smile and I know, he is getting ready! Little things like this help him tell me he wants to have sex and allows me to get my mind prepared. I am a woman so that is my most difficult obstacle.
Tell your husband what he can do to signal to you in advance so it doesn’t catch you off guard. Although, those quickies are fun too!
So, I just want to encourage you, if you often dread going to bed, or prepare your excuse in advance, try setting a goal to not turn your husband down. Relax and enjoy it!
I am mainly (as always) writing to the women, but I guess this could go for men too.