Flirtatious Friday: Not Tonight, Honey

“Not tonight honey.”

“I have a headache.”

“I’m just too tired.”

“Really?!?! I mean really?!?!?! You want to do what? Right now?! I just got the baby/kids down! I’ve been working all day. I’ve been cleaning ALL day! I. Am. Exhausted!”

<Say nothing, but put on full pajamas and get in bed and under covers quick. Turn away and make it obvious! If he tries ANYTHING, move further away.>

Has this ever been you? No! Not me either ;-).

Hmmm… that’s not true. Confession. One that I am not proud of! This used to be me sometimes.

I don’t remember much before Conner was born, haha, but after he was born I had much more on my mind, and guess what?! It. Wasn’t. Sex. Shocker… I know! But, that should be a sad shocker.

As a woman, I believe this is an easier trap for us to fall into. We are not wired like our husbands are wired. We do not think like them. Oftentimes, I think we fall into the victim mindset. I am tired. I am worn out. I have been busy. I didn’t get any sleep. I take care of the kids more than he does. I don’t get a break. And now HE wants sex?!?! Is he kidding?!?! Poor us right?

Several years ago, I worked with a man who was married but they did not always get along. He was upset by many of her choices and contemplated divorce often. He also had no problem pointing out attractive women. I would NEVER use him or his marriage as a standard for how marriage should look, but I remember one conversation we had very clearly.

I don’t remember how the conversation got started, but he made a comment that his wife NEVER turns him down.

What?! Really?! There are wives who NEVER turn their husbands down?!

I mean, I tried not to do it every time, but let’s be honest, I was TIRED. I would dread going to bed sometimes knowing he would probably want to have sex. Isn’t that terrible?

Maybe you are not like that and you have sex all the time ;-). Good for you! I am glad!!!

I am being honest for the women who are like how I used to be until God got a hold of me. He reminded me this was a GIFT from Him to us. To our marriage.

A GIFT?!?! Sometimes it felt more like a chore than a gift. WOW! Too honest???

And honestly, when I did decide, “Ok fine. I will do it.” I did enjoy it and think how we should really do this more.

There is no closer connection you can have with someone. It is such a deep (no pun intended… ok maybe a little haha) connection that cannot be replaced.

What does the Bible say about sex?

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have the authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7: 3-6

“Do not deprive each other.” WOW! And what was I doing?

My husband LOVES me! He works hard for this family and I recognize how much he does for us. He needs me to want him. He NEEDS me to allow him to have me. It is one of his best ways to show his love for me. And he saves it for me ONLY!

“Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

We live in a world FULL of sin. Full of pornography and addictions. Full of women who want our incredible men. Believe it or not, even if he drives you crazy, there may be some woman eyeing him.

If you deny him, does that give him the right to fall into porn or have sex with another woman? NO WAY!… BUT it will be easier to fight those temptations if he is fulfilled at home. It’s the truth.

I cannot remember when I first made the choice to never almost never turn him down, because it has been so long ago now, but it has made a big difference in our relationship! He is happy. I am happy.

I almost never go to bed dreading or worrying about if he wants to have sex. Instead I go expecting it and preparing myself. I get my mind where it needs to be. Free of the thoughts of the day. Free of the to-do lists for tomorrow. And ready to accept his offer.

Another thing that helps is that I am honest with him. I let him know some things that help me stay focused, like music. So now, when I am brushing my teeth and I hear him turn on music, I just smile and I know, he is getting ready! Little things like this help him tell me he wants to have sex and allows me to get my mind prepared. I am a woman so that is my most difficult obstacle.

Tell your husband what he can do to signal to you in advance so it doesn’t catch you off guard. Although, those quickies are fun too!

So, I just want to encourage you, if you often dread going to bed, or prepare your excuse in advance, try setting a goal to not turn your husband down. Relax and enjoy it!

I am mainly (as always) writing to the women, but I guess this could go for men too.

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Modeling Mondays: Series on Teaching Children to Live a Godly Life

As a new mom, I had a lot of worries for bringing children into this world. How could I be a good mom to them? I was clueless how to even raise a child for Christ, and honestly, still am quite often. Really… my children are 4 and 3… so I have much more to learn, but I have learned a lot in the last 4 years.

I want my children to grow up learning to love God and relying on the Holy Spirit. I want them to see an example they can live by. An example of parents who are living a Christ-like life. 

It is my job to teach and train my kids in the way they should go. My job to make sure they know how to live a godly life. What a godly life looks like. Why a godly life is important. Why we serve our God and love Him. What He has done for us and wants us to continue to do for them.

Living a Christian life isn’t always easy, but it comes with great reward.

I want my children to know about His sacrifice. To know His reward for us. To know what God did and why He did it when He sent Jesus. To know what Jesus did for us.

MY job.

Wow! What great responsibility God has given us as parents. He expects us to teach them what they need to know. Especially when they are too young to learn it themselves.

God is showing me these things each and every day. The Holy Spirit reminds me that they are learning from me. My choices. My words. My actions. Where my time and energy is spent. How I react to certain things.

I take the responsibility quite heavily. And I fail daily. Guess what?! We all do. We all fall short.

So should we give up? Give up on being patient with our children? Give up showing them love and compassion when they fail? Give up on teaching them even when we set a bad example sometimes?

Do we want God to give up on us? I DON’T!

I am learning to be new everyday. I have to pick up my cross everyday. I have to teach my children the same.

So join me if you’d like. As I seek out what God wants for me and my family. How I can best learn and then teach them.

Over the next several Mondays I am prayerfully exploring how God wants us to teach our children. I am praying about how I can MODEL to my children a godly life; as I have prayed just about everyday for at least the last 4 years.

These posts will include many things we have already been implementing in our home, and many ways we want to improve and grow.

Here is a list of topics we will cover:

  • 3 Ways to Teach Children to Pray

  • Teaching Children to Memorize Scripture in 4 Easy Steps

  • 4 Steps to Help Children Have Daily Devotions

  • 3 Ways to Teach/Model Worshiping God

  • Teaching Children to Love as Christ Loves Us

What do you think? Are you excited about this series? I look forward to you adding what has worked for you in these areas! 

Let The Weak Say I Am Strong

My heart is heavy. My heart is full.

Thoughts are turning. I want to sleep but cannot.

God I cry out to you. You have laid so many on my mind. Many of my friends are longing and needing you.

They need you more. More than yesterday! I need you more. More than words can say.

God I lift them up to you. Hold them. Carry them. Give them the strength they need. The strength they don’t know they have. Me too Lord.

For my friends grieving the loss of their child. Taken too soon. We cry out to you! Hold them tight. Remind them of your love.

My friends seeking to mend family relationships. Restore them.

Marriages barely hanging on. Show them how to love. You first. And each other over all others.

Friends longing to be pregnant. Desperately praying for a miracle baby. Touch the womb. Touch their hearts.

For my friends rejoicing and still praying over their mom’s brain surgery. How hard this has been on them. Thank you God for hearing their prayers. Continue to touch and heal!

God hold tight and guide my single friend longing to do right by you. Show them how and give them the strength to stand firm.

For my sister grieving the loss of her friend. And for this friend’s family. Give the peace only you can.

Lord be with friend with unknown medical issues. Heal her pain. Help the doctors find answers and solutions or remove it all together. Only you can.

Provide jobs for many of my friends looking for your guidance and direction for what is next.

Touch my body. Heal me God. Renew me. Give us another baby if it be your will. In your perfect timing. Continue to heal our hurting hearts from the miscarriages. And my friends also grieving these same losses.

My friend holding strong in her marriage as her husband is seeking your help to overcome his past.

God be with single mom friend. She is having difficulty with the ex husband. Help them communicate only when necessary and be civil for the kids. Give her strength to ignore his negativity and to raise her children in a godly environment.

Prepare my friend and sister in law as they are giving birth soon. Allow them to rest in the next few weeks. Let the births be uneventful yet full of joy!

For Abundant Life reaching out to the community of Grand Prairie and surrounding areas. Let us show your love to those who need it. That we may be your light.

And so many more on my mind. You know. You see.

God you are the only one who knows us inside and out. The only one who can heal our pain. The only one who can carry us. Let us fall in your arms and may we find rest when we are weary.

Give thanks with a grateful heart. Give thanks to the Holy One. Give thanks because He’s given Jesus Christ, His Son.

And now let the weak say, “I am strong”.
Let the poor say, “I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us”

Amen.

Flirtatious Friday: Bringing Sexy Back

Love

  • I began working at our church… so this could cause question lol
  • Our church gained new Pastors and I wasn’t sure what they would think haha
  • And well… I guess I started shying away from intense topics such as these!

So, why did I decide to officially bring them back?

  • Well, many of my readers have missed them 😉 and requested I bring them back
  • Sex is ALL over the place, and why not talk about it in a Christian context and encourage married couples to ENJOY it! 

I remember one time, shortly after James and I got married, we went to lunch with another couple. The husband, right in front of his wife, talked about his theory that there is something in the wedding cake. He went on to explain that before marriage, women seemed excited and looking forward to the marriage bed and things to come, but then after the wedding day she seemed uninterested or motivated. 

Confession: I have been guilty of this. Guilty of being busy, tired, overwhelmed, etc. etc. etc. 

But still, this made me sad. Our husbands show their love best through sex. That may seem strange to us, but we were created differently. And aren’t we glad we were created differently?!?

I know I am! I want a man’s man! One who gets his hands dirty. Works hard for his family. Fixes things. And he NEEDS to show me he loves me! And I NEED to let him. 

So, FINE! I am bringing Flirtatious Friday back! But since you asked for it, you are going to get it. There. Will. Be. A. Challenge. It won’t be easy! 

Will you join me? What topics do you want to know more about? (you can also email responses privately to HisRibBlog@gmail.com)

Thankful Thursday: A Caring Husband

Tuesday I woke up and could tell something was coming. I told James I needed to make sure and take my echinacea, garlic and vitamin c! I wish I would remember my spoon full of honey, but oh we’ll.

By that evening I was not doing well. I wasn’t thinking straight and I was aching. It was an early to bed night for me!

I woke up a couple of hours after going to bed and I was aching all over and shaking. James got me some meds to help me feel better.

But WOW, a couple hours after that, I woke up screaming! I had this very, VERY sharp pain in my back and I was in A LOT of pain! I couldn’t move but was soooo uncomfortable! My husband quickly got up to get me some stronger meds.

I hardly ever take meds. I prefer a more natural approach in most things but this was beyond that.

He got me my heating pad and helped put it under my back. I managed to get back to sleep. Once I awoke Wednesday morning, my right arm was stiff and I could not move my head around at all.

Fortunately, it was my husband’s day off. He kindly got up with the boys and let me stay in bed ALL DAY! I couldn’t move without excruciating pain. He let me sleep and brought me food once I was ready.

How appropriate that today is Valentine’s Day! I’m so blessed with such a wonderfully caring husband. He truly takes his vows seriously. He cares for me when I am sick. In my worse. I love him more and more each day!

What are you thankful for on this Valentine’s Day?

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The Plans of the Righteous Are Just

Proverbs 12:5 says “The plans of the righteous are just,…”

It amazes me how different life is when there is a plan involved!

When we plan our budget, we our wiser with our spending. More money goes to saving and paying off debt than when we had no plan at all. My husband and I love Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University!

If I make a workout schedule, or use a workout guide such as P90x or 42 days to fit, then I almost always do my workout. This keeps me energetic and feeling good!

Menu planning is another great way to plan. It helps avoid over spending or eating things you would rather not be eating. When I’ve scheduled out our menus, we eat out less and I’m less panicked at meal time.

Plans work for all kinds of things. Housecleaning, kids’ chores, prayer time, Bible reading, reading in general, tv time, eating, etc.

So should our lives be planned out for every minute? Well I guess this depends on the person. I’m finding more and more, the better my day is planned out the more I will accomplish. And… not just that, the more detailed plan the more likely I am to stick to goals I have, like watching less tv and reading more! But I must have flexibility and free time too!!

So here I go with some plans! Keep in mind, not everyone’s plan will look the same. Also, some days will not go as planned. Maybe the kids get sick, or you get sick, or friends/family come in town to visit, or you need to help someone out, etc. etc. etc. I believe the key for me will to be flexible! Not everyday will look the way I want it to, BUT it is better to aim at something and miss than to aim at nothing at all and hit it every time!

Join me in making plans for your days!

Do you have a daily plan already in motion? What does it look like?

Touchy Topic: GOD “GETS” MEN

I am so very excited about today’s post! About a year ago I ran across this wonderful blog – Peacefulwife – and I was amazed at how much I “was” this woman. I was a feminist and so WAS she. I was am learning how to better respect my husband and submit. She has been there and has so many wonderful stories of her transformation and how great her marriage is now as a result. April has kindly written a guest post for me so please join me in welcoming her <applause>!

He understands men and women extremely well. He did create both of us, after all. And He created marriage, sex, attraction, families, masculinity and femininity. So Who better to know what it takes to make marriage work and work well?

Our culture has completely ditched God’s prescriptions for a joyful, solid, healthy marriage and has redefined masculinity, femininity and marriage to be what we want it to be. Feminism has taught us that men and women are not only “equal” – which they are of equal value in God’s sight – but that we are the “same.” There is a HUGE difference between being of equal value and being the same in spiritual/emotional/physical/sexual makeup.

So, many of us grew up never questioning that men need love just like we do. We assume they think and feel just like we do and that if we give more love, that will fix all the problems in our marriages.

Unfortunately, we have forgotten what men need in marriage, and as a result, husbands and wives are largely miserable.

SIGNS THAT A WIFE MIGHT NEED TO LOOK A BIT CLOSER AT GOD’S WAYS:

– I am angry with my husband a lot
– I am full of resentment
– I feel like I am carrying the weight of the family on my shoulders alone
– I feel like my husband is “another child”
– I constantly badmouth my husband to others and tell them how awful he is so they will sympathize with me and see what a miserable life I have and pity me
– I boss my husband around, tell him what to do, lecture him, scold him, criticize him often, roll my eyes, sigh in disgust, give him “the look” that I think he is inept and/or use the angry mama voice a lot
– I complain to and about him and argue with him often
– I have no joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness or self-control around my husband
– I am anxious, stressed and afraid in my marriage often
– I believe that if my husband “would just be more loving” or would “stop doing X” that our problems would all be solved and our marriage would be the amazing union I dreamed it would be
– I know that my husband’s sins are WAY worse than mine and HE is the problem
– I feel very lonely in my marriage
– my husband barely touches me and doesn’t seem to care about my feelings
– I have my heart set on my husband behaving a certain way and things working out a certain way and I CANNOT and WILL NOT be content or happy unless I have what I want
– I believe I am always right and my husband is always wrong
– I believe I am spiritually superior to my husband
– I believe I am a better leader than your husband
– I don’t think my husband is able to lead our family
– I don’t trust my husband
– I don’t cooperate with my husband’s ideas
– I refuse to listen to his perspective and act like his ideas are worthless
– I think if I had a more godly husband, life would be wonderful

This is not an exhaustive list – but it is a start.

WHAT DO THESE SYMPTOMS MEAN?

Well, primarily, it means that I am not filled with God’s Spirit. Either I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior if this list describes me in my marriage, or I have so grieved God’s Spirit that I have reduced His flow into my life to a trickle.

When I have God’s Spirit filling me and consuming me, I will have all the fruit of the Spirit on a daily basis: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control Galatians 5:22

If I don’t have His Spirit empowering me, I am probably cherishing sin in my heart.

The sins I cherished were:
– idolatry (of myself, of my way, of my desires, of my feelings of being loved, of expecting my husband to be Christ and be perfect and meet all my needs)
– PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE – thinking I knew best, better than my husband, and really, better than God’s Word
– unforgiveness – I couldn’t/wouldn’t/didn’t know how to forgive
– gossip – talking about my husband with bitterness

These are HUGE sins that deeply offend the heart of God. As long as I am holding onto those sins and cherishing them more than my intimacy with Christ, God will oppose me.

BEING A GODLY WIFE GOD’S WAY

To be a godly wife, I must be willing to do things God’s way. God’s design for marriage is primarily found in Ephesians 5:22-33, but also in Genesis 3, Titus 2:2-5, I Peter 3:1-6 and I Corinthians 11:3.

God designed men to need to lead in marriage. He made them to thrive on respect. That is why He commands wives to respect their husbands and submit to (willingly cooperate with) their husbands’ God-given authority (unless our husbands are asking us to sin or condone sin).

FIRST – I must decide to submit totally to Jesus Christ. I lay my whole life before Him and die to myself. I give up my dreams, my way, my will, my purposes, my wisdom, my rights, my plans and I yield fully to His control. I respect Him as LORD.

THEN – out of love and reverence for Christ, I begin to desire to obey Him in all things, even things that are culturally unacceptable, or weird, or counter-intuitive to my female, human mind.

And as I embrace His ways and obey Him – I discover that unspeakable peace and joy await me. After the pain of dying to self, there is a new, abundant life! Then God becomes my partner and empowers me to do things I can’t do on my own. He teaches me to look for the best in my husband (Philippians 4:8) and to build him up with my words, to praise what is good, to encourage him, to show faith in him. He teaches me to share my feelings with my husband in a pleasant, calm, non-threatening way. And then to trust that if my husband disagrees and decides to do something I don’t want to do, that my God is SO SOVEREIGN that He can and will lead me through my sinful, human husband in His will for His glory.

So I can’t lose! I am seeking God’s will and glory, not mine. I don’t know the way there. So I can trust that He will use all things for my good and His glory because I love Him and that even my husbands’ sin and mistakes will bring me to the place God wants me to be. So I can be at peace. I can be content no matter what my husband does or does not do – because my hope is firmly set on Christ. He is my strength and joy.

SO EMPOWERING

Husbands are drawn and attracted to our respect, trust and faith. They are repelled by our disrespect and dominating/controlling behavior. Husbands have a long list of things that speak respect and disrespect to them that most wives know nothing about! They think and feel in an entirely different way than we do. And if we can learn this new language of respect, we can meet their God-given needs and draw our men closer to us and to God.

It’s hard to look at our own sin. But that is where our power is in our relationship with God and our husbands! I CAN control me. I can’t control my husband. I can’t control God. When I focus on MY responsibilities to my husband and to God and I do it because Christ is the most important thing in my life, not to try to manipulate my husband – GOD SHOWS UP. And miracles happen!

Check out my blog at www.peacefulwife.com for more about these topics!

You Are What You Eat

surrounded

Well guess what?! This is NOT about food!

The actual title should read:

         You Are What You Eat Read

Or

         You Are What You Eat Listen To

Or

         You Are What You Eat Surround Yourself With

While I do think what we eat and put into our bodies is very important, it is not my focus today.

Have you noticed how things you read on Facebook, in a book, or things you hear people talking about, affect the way you act, talk, or your mood overall?

I notice this all the time! I have especially noticed lately. I’ve been following quite a few blogs by homeschooling moms with large families; like The Marathon Mom, Smockity Frocks, and Sacred Mommyhood. I’ve also read many of Peacefulwife’s blog posts and as always, my wonderful Above Rubies magazines!  In addition to their posts, their wonderful Facebook updates also encourage me! All this, along with daily scripture readings, have and are continuing to mold me into the woman, mother, wife, friend, and overall person I want and God wants me to be.

You know what I discovered? My attitude towards my children, my husband, and what my life was like, was being changed.

Before I surrounded myself with positive things everywhere, I would read friends posts on Facebook, and lets face it, oftentimes it was complaining

         about all the housework that HAD to be done

         the children that were nagging them

         bitterness about their husband not being home enough 

        how they needed a break from the kids and couldn’t wait to get away from this life they have

and the list goes on and on. Now, before you attack me :), I know as moms and wives we do need some me time. We do need some breaks, BUT we chose to get married and to have children, and I believe God has called us to that life, so why not make the most of it?!

So what’s my point? Is it to tell moms to stop complaining and get over it? NO!! My point is to simply show how different my life became once I surrounded myself with positive people.

Now that I am reading and seeing, DAILY, wives and moms who LOVE their lives and talk about them in a more positive way, I find myself feeling the same way. Is cleaning the house and changing poopy diapers a blast? Um not really, but is it going to be anymore fun if all I do is complain about?

I love following these wonderful women! And why? Because they talk about real life, which is not always glamorous, but can be a fun ride!

I choose to surround myself with women who act like they want their children. Who are not looking for the quickest way to get rid of them (school, day care, friends houses, etc.). We get such little time with our children (approximately 18 years of their 70-80 or so years) and it flies by! And for those who send their children away to school, they get even less time with their children. (Side note: I am NOT condemning anyone who sends their children to school, I am talking about those who CANNOT wait until they finally go back to school)

I want to make the most of this time! I want to enjoy it rather than dread it. Will I need a break in that 18 years? Yes!! But if I don’t get one should I complain and cry in my poor pathetic life? Absolutely NOT! I should figure out how to enjoy it and make it work for me! Maybe my break is after the kids go to bed, or before they get up. My breaks are my workouts, or my blog times. I choose to be creative! It is my life and I want to enjoy my children in it.

My mother-in-law is a great example of this! She is a great example of a woman who loves her kids and grandchildren. She loves staying home and taking care of her house and husband. What a wonderful example of an above rubies woman! Is she perfect? Sorry Janey… but no! None of us are, but we can choose to enjoy our lives and do what God has called us to do as women!

I also choose to surround myself with women who love and respect their husband. As I have mentioned on here before, this has not always come easy to me. As a former feminist, I came into the marriage a bit dominating. I held “old fashion” views on being a wife and mom, but did not exactly want to do them. The women I learn from, respect their husbands. They are true examples of helpmates! I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman! I want to be a Titus 2 woman! What better way to do this than to learn and surround myself with great examples of these.

The Bible gives clear direction that as young moms and wives we are to learn from those ahead of us. I want to learn from those being led by God and setting a good example of what I want to be. I DO NOT have time, or want to waste my time, on those who insist on being negative and live in bitterness and resentment. I CHOOSE because it is that, a CHOICE! I am what I surround myself with!

What do you surround yourself with?

His Rib: Back in Action

ImageWhere in the world has His Rib been?

Well I’ll tell you! Just like you, I am a super busy mom!! BUT, I have terribly missed my blog and I am ready to hit the ground running and strong.

So what’s coming?

I’m so glad you asked! Here is a sneak peek of what is to come in the upcoming days:

  • Come Fly With Me – A day by day guide to keeping up with the housecleaning in the midst of a busy schedule!
  • How to Coupon Successfully:Your 3-Ring Binder and Getting Started Again (or For the First Time) – Apparently I never actually finished this series… OOPS!! So we are going to finish it up and I will show you how we have lived without couponing (but with the benefits of our efforts) and how I am going at it again!
  • Touchy Topic Tuesdays – They are back!! And with great topics such as guest posts on vaccinations, homeschooling, responsibilities for the kids, and more!
  • Thankful Thursdays – Will debut again! We have so much to be thankful daily. I will share with you some of these things each week.
  • Shiloh: My Third Heaven Baby – I will share with you my experiences as I faced my third miscarriage.
  • And so much more!!! There will be menu-planning, and in-depth look at my personal daily meal plan as I journey to get healthy.
  • Did I mention my devotions will be coming back?!?! Have you missed these?? I have missed sharing them with you!

WOW!!! I am soooo excited! I know there is more, but cannot share all my secrets!!! Are you excited with me?!? I hope so! Thanks for joining me in my journey, and I look forward to your feedback on our ride!!

What would you like to see a post on?