Flirtatious Friday: Not Tonight, Honey

“Not tonight honey.”

“I have a headache.”

“I’m just too tired.”

“Really?!?! I mean really?!?!?! You want to do what? Right now?! I just got the baby/kids down! I’ve been working all day. I’ve been cleaning ALL day! I. Am. Exhausted!”

<Say nothing, but put on full pajamas and get in bed and under covers quick. Turn away and make it obvious! If he tries ANYTHING, move further away.>

Has this ever been you? No! Not me either ;-).

Hmmm… that’s not true. Confession. One that I am not proud of! This used to be me sometimes.

I don’t remember much before Conner was born, haha, but after he was born I had much more on my mind, and guess what?! It. Wasn’t. Sex. Shocker… I know! But, that should be a sad shocker.

As a woman, I believe this is an easier trap for us to fall into. We are not wired like our husbands are wired. We do not think like them. Oftentimes, I think we fall into the victim mindset. I am tired. I am worn out. I have been busy. I didn’t get any sleep. I take care of the kids more than he does. I don’t get a break. And now HE wants sex?!?! Is he kidding?!?! Poor us right?

Several years ago, I worked with a man who was married but they did not always get along. He was upset by many of her choices and contemplated divorce often. He also had no problem pointing out attractive women. I would NEVER use him or his marriage as a standard for how marriage should look, but I remember one conversation we had very clearly.

I don’t remember how the conversation got started, but he made a comment that his wife NEVER turns him down.

What?! Really?! There are wives who NEVER turn their husbands down?!

I mean, I tried not to do it every time, but let’s be honest, I was TIRED. I would dread going to bed sometimes knowing he would probably want to have sex. Isn’t that terrible?

Maybe you are not like that and you have sex all the time ;-). Good for you! I am glad!!!

I am being honest for the women who are like how I used to be until God got a hold of me. He reminded me this was a GIFT from Him to us. To our marriage.

A GIFT?!?! Sometimes it felt more like a chore than a gift. WOW! Too honest???

And honestly, when I did decide, “Ok fine. I will do it.” I did enjoy it and think how we should really do this more.

There is no closer connection you can have with someone. It is such a deep (no pun intended… ok maybe a little haha) connection that cannot be replaced.

What does the Bible say about sex?

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have the authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7: 3-6

“Do not deprive each other.” WOW! And what was I doing?

My husband LOVES me! He works hard for this family and I recognize how much he does for us. He needs me to want him. He NEEDS me to allow him to have me. It is one of his best ways to show his love for me. And he saves it for me ONLY!

“Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

We live in a world FULL of sin. Full of pornography and addictions. Full of women who want our incredible men. Believe it or not, even if he drives you crazy, there may be some woman eyeing him.

If you deny him, does that give him the right to fall into porn or have sex with another woman? NO WAY!… BUT it will be easier to fight those temptations if he is fulfilled at home. It’s the truth.

I cannot remember when I first made the choice to never almost never turn him down, because it has been so long ago now, but it has made a big difference in our relationship! He is happy. I am happy.

I almost never go to bed dreading or worrying about if he wants to have sex. Instead I go expecting it and preparing myself. I get my mind where it needs to be. Free of the thoughts of the day. Free of the to-do lists for tomorrow. And ready to accept his offer.

Another thing that helps is that I am honest with him. I let him know some things that help me stay focused, like music. So now, when I am brushing my teeth and I hear him turn on music, I just smile and I know, he is getting ready! Little things like this help him tell me he wants to have sex and allows me to get my mind prepared. I am a woman so that is my most difficult obstacle.

Tell your husband what he can do to signal to you in advance so it doesn’t catch you off guard. Although, those quickies are fun too!

So, I just want to encourage you, if you often dread going to bed, or prepare your excuse in advance, try setting a goal to not turn your husband down. Relax and enjoy it!

I am mainly (as always) writing to the women, but I guess this could go for men too.

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Flirtatious Friday: Bringing Sexy Back

Love

  • I began working at our church… so this could cause question lol
  • Our church gained new Pastors and I wasn’t sure what they would think haha
  • And well… I guess I started shying away from intense topics such as these!

So, why did I decide to officially bring them back?

  • Well, many of my readers have missed them 😉 and requested I bring them back
  • Sex is ALL over the place, and why not talk about it in a Christian context and encourage married couples to ENJOY it! 

I remember one time, shortly after James and I got married, we went to lunch with another couple. The husband, right in front of his wife, talked about his theory that there is something in the wedding cake. He went on to explain that before marriage, women seemed excited and looking forward to the marriage bed and things to come, but then after the wedding day she seemed uninterested or motivated. 

Confession: I have been guilty of this. Guilty of being busy, tired, overwhelmed, etc. etc. etc. 

But still, this made me sad. Our husbands show their love best through sex. That may seem strange to us, but we were created differently. And aren’t we glad we were created differently?!?

I know I am! I want a man’s man! One who gets his hands dirty. Works hard for his family. Fixes things. And he NEEDS to show me he loves me! And I NEED to let him. 

So, FINE! I am bringing Flirtatious Friday back! But since you asked for it, you are going to get it. There. Will. Be. A. Challenge. It won’t be easy! 

Will you join me? What topics do you want to know more about? (you can also email responses privately to HisRibBlog@gmail.com)

Flirtatious Friday: Choosing TV Over Sex

I would never choose TV over sex!

So maybe it isn’t always TV. Maybe it’s reading, writing, crafting, sewing, etc. And maybe you are not specifically choosing that over sex, I didn’t think I was.

James and I enjoy staying up and watching our favorite TV shows before bed. We are night owls, so we stay up too late. I would often find myself “too” tired when we finally got in bed.

Then I started thinking about it… I am choosing TV over sex. If I am willing to lose sleep to watch our show, or do whatever activity I enjoy, I should also be willing to strengthen our marriage through our own special connection.

Our husbands show us their love through sex. It is a bond we have with no one else, and a great way to truly connect and bond with them! We should be willing to give up just about everything to strengthen our marriage. Sex holds such a strong importance in a marriage and can build up the relationship or tear it down.

Women tend to be more willing to put sex off if they are too tired or too busy. I believe this is a huge shame, that I too fail at often. My husband needs me to connect with him and believe it or not I NEED him in this way too.

When I let myself go and relax, and allow us to connect, I feel recharged. I feel empowered as a wife. I feel as though I satisfied my husband and that I am taking care of him. I feel loved. I am the only one that can and should connect with him like this, and that makes it more special.

God created this amazing gift for us, and I need to relax and enjoy it! I need to stop over thinking. Stop thinking, “but it’s so late. I need sleep and rest. Can’t we do it tomorrow? We will go to bed earlier and make it happen. I promise.”

Give in ladies! It’s worth it! Especially when you set your mind to do it and enjoy it! It’s way better than going in with the “fine, I’ll do it” attitude. Think about how he is expressing his love for you in this manner. He loves you so much and what a powerful way to show you. Watch him and think about it. It really is amazing!

Flirtatious Friday: Let’s Talk About Sex

Marriage

OK, so I thought I would share with you why I find it so important to talk about sex. I know many Christians who say that it is private and we should not talk about the subject, but guess what folks, everyone else is talking about it.

During our Marriage Encounter weekend, James and I talked about how we want our children to learn about sex from us. We want them to know it is a good thing, not something to fear or hand out loosely. We want them to know the importance of having one partner and how special that is to the relationship. We want them to learn the truth about sex, and not what they see on TV or in the movies.

The world around us has sex plastered EVERYWHERE! It is hard to look anywhere and not see sex posted or talked about. Innuendos are placed in kids’ movies and shows. So as Christians, shouldn’t we avoid the discussion so we stand out and are different? NO WAY! Why?!?!

God’s Word openly talks about sex as a wonderful and amazing gift for married couples! Youth in the church often hear about sex, but only to say don’t do it, you have to wait, that’s not for you. So then what happens? They get married and it’s difficult to then just get over that voice of no in their head. Well maybe not so much for the men 😉 but as a female I know it was something I had to overcome.

Anyway, I feel that as Christians we need to step it up and talk about how great it is… in a heterosexual MARRIED relationship… and stop being so hush-hush about it. The Bible talks about it, why can’t we?

I’m not saying we need to talk specific details with one another on a regular basis, I am simply saying we should be talking about how great it is and tips to make it the best. Our youth need to know it will be something they can enjoy one day, and how great it is rather than shoving down their throat not to do it all the time. Also, this encourages women to enjoy having sex with their husbands, because it is OK. I know that seems like a funny thought, but it’s true… many women feel what they are doing is wrong because it’s usually seen as slutty.

With pornography all over the place, it is easy, especially as a woman, to see certain acts as wrong or disgusting, but we must move past this. We must encourage one another and remind ourselves that within marriage the options are almost endless.

God is amazing and has given us such a wonderful gift. What a great way for us to show our love to one another and grow closer to each other.

What are you thoughts on talking about sex?

Flirtatious Friday: Toys

Well, here you go folks! I am laying it all out here 😉 I will do my best to not go into too much detail about us, but more of just the many options you have out there. I will tell you, I have my favorites!

OK, so as we begin, let me start with my purpose. I believe marriage is the most important relationship we can have on Earth and sex is a very important part of that relationship, for both the husband and the wife. Toys add variety, fun, and excitement, but only if both people are open to it and feel comfortable. Give it a try and don’t be afraid of new and different, but don’t push it on him if he is not ready. Also, make sure your husband understands the toys are not to replace him or because he does not satisfy you, they are only there to enhance the experience.

*Websites I list may have toys, pictures, and other material that I DO NOT condone. Please understand I am only listing them as a resource. 

Right before James I married, my girlfriends and I went to Condom Sense. Wow! We were in for a shock and had no idea what to expect. We were planning “fun parties” and planning for our own honeymoons. We wanted to make it special! We looked past the super vulgar items, and the items encouraging homosexuality, and found the fun in toys! Since being married, I’ve also been to Sara’s Secret and Cindie’s.

Bring on the toys…

The Screaming O Disposable Cockring

 Cockring:

One of the cheapest and easiest toys to start with. Don’t forget the bullet to go inside. It goes over your husband and slides up to the top. As he is inside of you, the vibrations are there for your extra pleasure. It also helps your husband “last” longer. The bullet goes in the pocket at the top, if there is a pocket. There are many different types of rings as well as bullets. Find what you like best and enjoy!

 Lelo – Mia:

Lelo is a brand with many awesome vibrators, but this is one we own and love!! These are fun as teasers, use for foreplay, or as a supplement.

OK, so I do not have this YET, but it is on my wish list now! A friend of mine highly recommends it and said she found it on sale half price. I will be on the lookout now! It apparently works best during sex, so it allows for all the wonderful pleasures during intercourse. I am looking forward to learning and discovering more with this toy!

 There are SOOOO many other things out there. Way too many to mention, so check out the websites, or be daring and go to a store on your next date night, or surprise him with something fun!

Call the stores and find out if they have girl’s nights. They have food, tips, and discounts! Ask questions; don’t be afraid!

Do you have a favorite toy? Want to share, but don’t want to reveal who you are… email it to me HisRibBlog@gmail.com and I will share it anonymously for you!

Flirtatious Friday: Childless Weekends

As a parent who co-sleeps most nights, evenings away from the kids provide for lots of fun snuggle, etc. etc. time :-)!

Conner has stayed with my dad and Laurie before, but this will be our first time leaving Elias. It is bittersweet, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t SUPER excited!!!

James and I are attending a Marriage Encounter, which I posted about in my Thankful Thursday: Our Marriage Retreat post. I believe it is important to make time for just you and your spouse (and sometimes a nursing baby who is immobile: they sleep a lot)! For some, it may not be possible to get a whole evening, much less a weekend, but a few hours is better than nothing.

We are extremely fortunate to have most of our family within thirty minutes to three and a half hours. If you are not as fortunate, you might work something out with another couple with kids. You can trade-off date nights, that may or may not include a sleepover. Or maybe a trusted friend, who loves your kids almost as much as you do, wouldn’t mind giving some of their time.

Ahh… so a whole weekend! Guess I better refer to some of my posts 😉 like The Quickie or Games. And pack up some of our favorite toys and my sexy PJs I’ve been waiting to wear, you know, for when I don’t have a nursing baby hanging on to my boobs for dear life!

Do you have anything sexy planned for the weekend? Even if it is just after the kids go to bed (those are some fun times)!

Thankful Thursday: Our Marriage Retreat

I am so in love with my husband! My goal each and every day is to be a great wife for him. He works so hard and provides for our family. I want to make his life easier.

This weekend, we are blessed to be able to attend Marriage Encounter! I am so excited about this! We get to stay in a HOTEL… ALL ALONE! My dad and his wife, Laurie, are taking the kids so we are able to enjoy this special time together.

This will be our first time away from Elias. I am a little nervous, to be honest, but it will be well worth it.

I firmly believe that the most important relationship we have, aside from with Christ, is with our spouse. My children need me to have a strong, loving relationship with my husband.

They need this Godly example for their lives as well. They will be married longer than they will live with me. A little sad for me to think of right now, but still true! The same is true for James and me; we will be married long after the kids move out. Because of this, we choose to build up our relationship. A lot of couples wait until things are going wrong, but we want it to be strong always.

I am so thankful for a husband who wants to build up our relationship. He is so amazing and is also excited about our time together! Two years ago we attended Weekend to Remember and had such a great time. I cannot wait to see how God moves in our marriage this weekend! I am so thankful!

Interested in attending one in your area? Check out their website here.

Have you attended Marriage Encounter or something similar?

You might also like Flirtatious Friday: The Quickie or Christians Can (and Should) Have Fun Sex Too.

Check The Marathon Mom’s Thankful Thursday: Braces post.

Flirtatious Friday: Games

When we got married, I remember thinking how fun games could be! We got several at my “fun” shower, and we bought at least one or two ourselves.

Let’s be honest. When you first get married, are you really playing games? No way! You are exploring. Figuring out how everything works… well those of us who waited until we got married.

Moving past the honeymoon, we finally started trying out a few games, that was of course, pre-kids :-). We co-sleep a lot of the time, so we must make a little more effort to have sex. Games? Rare for us at this stage in our marriage, except of course the rare weekends we get to get away, or the kids stay at Papa and Lauli’s.

Can we talk about the deck of cards with positions? Am I the only one who thinks this is ridiculous?!?! So we decide to get the cards out. How do you play? Guess we will just draw a card and do that one. <draw card> WOW! Can anyone do that position? <draw another card> How in the world does he hold her like that without falling over? Well yeah. You get the idea. Come on. My personal opinion, if you want different position options, buy one of the MANY Kama Sutra books out there! We personally avoid the books with actual people posing.

Moving on, we have tried out several games. We’ve found we really don’t like a lot of them. Many times there is not much to the game, very little foreplay, before you draw the, “have sex” card. We could have skipped the game and did our own thing for that matter, but I am all about spicing things up and trying new stuff out!

A friend of ours gave us one game we have grown to enjoy, called Sexy Housewives! This game is sure to rev things up in the bedroom! We don’t get to play often, but when we have, we enjoyed the time and it kept things moving without jumping the gun ;-).

Foreplay dice are another simple game you can play. Not much to it. Pretty simple really. But they do add some fun and can offer a change to routine. One die has a verb (such as lick, kiss, etc.) and the other die is a location on the body (such as ear, neck, etc.)

I am no sex game expert by any means. I haven’t tried them all, and different people like different things.

Have you found any amazing games out there?

You might also like Flirtatious Friday: The Quickie

Flirtatious Friday: The Quickie

As a mom of 2 1/2 yr old and a 1 yr old, finding time to have sex, outside of in the middle of the night, is next to impossible. What fun is that? Well it is still fun ;-), but who doesn’t want to have some fun at other times of the day?

Oftentimes, women especially, complain at how quickly their husbands move things. Slow down. More foreplay.

Can I tell you a secret? There is a bit of adrenalin rush when you are forced to be quick. When you are rushing because it just dawned on you that both kids are taking late naps and you are wasting time by eating dinner ;-). Eating can wait! You won’t get this opportunity too often. Quick! Hurry! To the room!

When I noticed the opportunity was upon us, I immediately looked at my husband and said, “We could be taking advantage of this time.” He of course was not about to argue!

I tell you this story, not to sicken you or make you wonder why I share too much, but to encourage you to find more time for quickies!

Wasn’t there a 7th Heaven episode like this? Was I the only one who loved that show??? This was all I could find about the episode (on a random rabbit trail… I just searched… WHY is this show not on Netflix???!!!).

Maybe you both need to “clean up” to go out, and grandparents are in the living room with the kids. Maybe they are caught up in their favorite show and mommy and daddy need to “talk” for a few minutes. If you have older children, I imagine you can make this happen even more. Think of the many ways! Just for fun and to change things up.

I did also find this rather spicy blog post about Quick Sex that offered some great locations and ideas! **I should state that I do not follow this blog, so I do not know what other things you may find on the site. I will say I am only speaking to married, heterosexual couples being exclusive, just in case it refers to anything else :).

Have you found great opportunities to have a quickie? 

You might also like Christians Can (and Should) Have Fun Sex Too

My Plan for Progress: More SEX!

Sometimes, especially with young children, we have to plan for sex. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with planned sex! It gives us something to look forward to and plan for. It doesn’t mean we can’t have spontaneous sex, that would just add to the fun!

Funny, honest story (the one I referred to in my very first post): after James and I got married, I was very concerned about our sex life. I had heard many married couples talk about the lack of sex in their lives. I heard married men joke about how “there was something in the wedding cake because now she doesn’t want to be physical with me.” I never wanted, or could imagine, that we would ever have a day we wouldn’t want sex.

Naturally, on the honeymoon, it happened at least once a day! And of course shortly after we got back home, the same habits continued. I thought this was a good pace and knew the day would come when it wouldn’t happen every day. I distinctly remember that day! James said he was so tired and it was ok if we didn’t do it that day. I told him I worried if we missed a day then we would stop having sex. Crazy, I know!!!

Now, over 4 years later, and 2 small children, and co sleeping, I remind him of that story! He says, “I know! I’m stupid!” Haha! He’s not really, but it’s funny to remember that night: the night I believed we should have it every night and he thought missing a night would be ok. He wishes he could go back and slap himself.

But really, I tell you this story because it does need to be a priority in our Christian married life! I need my husband and he needs me! It’s how he shows love! It’s how I feel close to him! It allows us to relax and enjoy each other.

As a busy mom, who chases kids all day, cleans the house, cooks (more now!), sews, etc, I don’t always feel up to it.

As a husband, who works hard all day outside, has several side jobs mowing, stays up late to spend time with family, gets up super early, etc, he doesn’t always feel up to it either.

With two small children, who happily co-sleep with us sometimes (I’ll be blogging soon why we enjoy co-sleeping) it is a game to figure out how and where we can be together.

God has given us this wonderful gift to enjoy as a married couple! As a Christian wife, I need to make this a priority. Not only does it allow him to express his love for me, in a unique way only for me, but it also bonds us together.

In our world, you don’t have to look far to find the unfaithful. It’s quite sad. Even in the Christian “world.” If I’m pleasing my husband at home, then he has no reason to go look for it somewhere else.

Now before you yell at me that those men are scum and it’s not the wife’s fault, I know every situation has its own story, but hear me out. If he’s happy at home, he won’t go somewhere else! I want my husband to be satisfied sexually. I want to be satisfied sexually. And so, a plan!

More SEX

Goal: More SEX! Yeah I said it! What husband wouldn’t agree? Be creative! Change it up! I know it is not always easy, especially if you co-sleep, but it can be done! My goal: every other night, but at most, no longer than 3 day gaps!

I made a goal of every other day or, at least, no more than 3 days. Now, wouldn’t you know it, the kids won’t sleep and they need extra attention the week I made that goal! So should I give up? No way!

Some ask, “How do you co-sleep and still have sex?” Lots of creativity is the answer! I’m actually still learning to master this skill 😉 but I’m enjoying the process. So, any co-sleepers out there with tips, feel free to share!

My Plan (and tips):

– get them asleep in safe positions and go somewhere else
– get them to sleep in their own beds
– get them asleep in your bed and move them to their own beds
– kids sleepover at gparents (if they are open to co-sleeping since the kids will probably do better if they are)
– out on a date 😉

So, yes we plan it sometimes, and we enjoy that! It’s fun for us! I think it’s important to talk to your spouse about your sex life and figure out what works best for you both. We enjoy some of the fun stuff too, but, in this season in our lives, it doesn’t get to happen as often. We make it work for us and our schedule and our family.

How do you/did you make time and room for this with young children in your life?