Who I Am

Have you ever heard Jessica Andrews song “Who I Am“?

Here are a few of the lines…

I am Rosemary’s granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma’s still my biggest fan
Sometimes I’m clueless and I’m clumsy
But I’ve got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It’s all a part of me
And that’s who I am

I’m a saint and I’m a sinner
I’m a loser; I’m a winner
I am steady and unstable
I’m young, but I am able

Confession: I have a problem. I care WAY too much what people think sometimes… I’m getting better ;-)! And I’m a people pleaser :-/.

While these qualities can be used for the good, they can also be quite harmful.

Over the years, I’ve prayed A LOT that I would be guided by the Holy Spirit and not other people. I cannot follow in God’s plan for my life, and also follow after every person I meet. They are not on their knees praying for me everyday and how to lead me in the right direction. That is my job.

I’m responsible for my choices. And who I have and will become.

I. Seek. Him.

I have to! I have to find myself in Him. I have to make my image like His. I have to think like He thinks. That must be who I am!

So who am I?

I am…

A city girl with a country heart.
A pastor’s wife, actively seeking God’s help at being submissive.
A former feminist .
A mom on my knees praying daily for forgiveness for my impatience and anger at times towards my children. And also praying I would teach and train them up in the way they should go.
A convicted woman always seeking to grow, change, learn, and teach others to do the same.
A failure yet forgiven.
A sinner with a slate wiped clean.
A stay at home wife and mom taking care of my home and family.
A weirdo… I homeschool, I cosleep, I practice attachment parenting but also watch my kids fall and learn from their mistakes, I don’t vaccinate, I breastfeed… past a year, I wear my babies and don’t follow feeding or sleep schedules with them, I don’t do birth control, I don’t “do” Santa AND I don’t care if you if you do things differently than me! That’s on you. I’m just doing what I know I need to do for me and my family.
I’m a saint and I’m a sinner.
I’m a loser; I’m a winner.
I am steady and unstable.
I’m young, but I am able.

I may not always be as strong as I want to be.

I may over-think things way too much.

I may care way too much.

But at the end of the day… no matter what is said to me or about me… I am seeking Him.

So who am I?

I. Am. His.

God speak to me. Change me. Grow me. Use me. Make me Yours. May the Holy Spirit remind me always that Your opinion is the only one that really counts. Place people in my life who will help me grow in You. Help me focus on You more and focus on the things of this world less.

Thank You for loving me even when I’m unlovable. Thank You for being there to pick me up when I allow others’ words to hurt me. Thank You for a husband who reminds me You are the One that matters, and who also reminds me it’s ok to not respond.

I love you.

Create in me a clean heart, O God; And renew a right spirit within me.

Amen.

Who are you?