A Former Feminist

When I started this journey a year ago, I knew God wanted to work on me. He had already been working on me as a wife and mother, but WOW! In this last year, I feel He has really laid some true convictions on my heart.

As a former feminist, I look back and cannot believe my thoughts, my actions, my “right” to control and do whatever I wanted. I had a need to prove I could do everything just as good if not better, and by golly, we are EQUAL! Wow, even writing that now I chuckle!

*OK, so I guess I should warn you… I am about to step on some toes… I am about to be brutally honest… I am about to speak my heart, through ideas and thoughts (and many of His words) that I truly believe come from God… you have been warned 🙂 and you may disagree and you are free to do so*

I have since learned, it is not about “Are we created equal?” Our purposes are DIFFERENT! This is evident in our nature. Women have more compassion, they long to care for and love. Men are strong and desire to provide.

Over the last many, many years, women have worked hard to “prove” ourselves, and show we can do what men can do. Yes we can and hear us roar! WHO CARES!?! What has this done to our society? What has come about because of these actions? We see it all over our televisions, our movies, in our music. Men are no longer strong and powerful, they are stupid and pathetic. They can’t think or make any decisions without a woman telling them how it should be. Women are degrading and rude. They speak their mind with little to no consequence and could care less. How sad! This is a sad world to live in. I know. I’ve been there.

Why won’t he lead? Why can’t he think of this and that? What is wrong with him? I was so right and he was clearly so wrong. Why doesn’t he just listen to ME? SELFISH!!! Sad. Lonely. Angry.

Then God got ahold of my heart and began to change ME! Not him. He began to show ME what society had convinced me of about how a woman should act and be. Then he started showing me how a wife treats her husband. You know? The wife that is above rubies! He began to show ME how to respect and respond.

All this time I thought he needed to change, but it was ME! I began exploring and learning to become a better wife and mother. I realized I had to trust God and let go. I quit my teaching job to take care of my husband, home, and children.

*I have since started working a part-time job that allows me to bring my children with me, but have felt some convictions over this decision so I have stopped writing until now… due to time also.*

Once I started blogging, I discovered another blogger, PeacefulWife. She too had to go through this difficult journey, and she is way ahead of me, but I am coming along. I have changed. God has changed me.

Reading through many of her posts, I struggle with my old self, the feminist in me, screaming “NO! I cannot do that! He needs to change. He needs to “this;” he needs to “that.” ME. ME. ME. I am equal. Those rules and roles don’t apply to us now. We are in the twenty-first century for goodness sakes! Get with the times.” At these times, the Holy Spirit calms my heart and reminds me His purpose for my life. He reminds me that it is not about me. It never was. In fact, it’s not even really about my husband. It’s about Christ and what He wants to do through me. I must prepare myself to be used my Him.

He created me as a helpmate. I can hinder my husband from doing God’s work, and push him down, make him feel like less of a man, or I can make him stronger and help him as we do God’s work together.

I am far from the end of my journey, and I still have much to learn, but at least I am changing! So many women are not, and it makes me sad for them because it is so much better on this side! And NOT just for the husband 🙂

What hard lesson did you have to learn? Did you have to change your worldly nature?

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13 thoughts on “A Former Feminist

  1. To answer your first question, what has this done to our society? I would say it’s done a lot. Women have come a long way, we can vote, we can work any job we want; I’d say that means a lot to a lot of people. To brush it off as “who cares” is a bit over the top. I think a lot of people care. While there are some over the top feminists, I dont think that you can lump feminists as a whole as meaning controlling and selfish. While that may be your struggles within your relationship, I know plenty of women who could be classified as “feminist” and are far from controlling or selfish women who bark orders to their husbands; they are just the opposite in fact.  You can be in favor of women’s rights without being controlling and degrading to men. As you said you have work to do together; your voice matters too. Without feminism you may not have a voice to even write this post. You don’t have to push a man down in order for women to be heard (unless he’s a jerk :). But these are just my opinions. 

    • Thank you so much for sharing Sara! I do agree things have come a long way. My point was that many women spend so much time trying to show they can do everything a man can do, but what should matter is am I doing what Christ has called me here to do. I do not believe he has called me to spend my time and effort on proving my husband and I are equal and that I can do everything as great as him if not better. I believe I am to partner with him to raise our children in a godly home. I believe I am to help him and encourage him. I am to respect him and support him. Should he return this in love? Absolutely! That is also biblical, but I cannot worry about anybody other than myself. So I work on myself, and in turn me doing that has changed our home and marriage. He was already an amazing husband (so I am fortunate), but this has made him stronger and a better leader.

      My intent was never to lump all feminists as the same, or all wives as the same. I believe everyone of us (humans-male and female) has our own sin and struggles. We must seek God to overcome these things. I am simply sharing my story. I do strongly believe our society portrays men very much in the way I described, and many women as strong and overbearing. This saddens me because this is what children are watching and learning from. I can change that, but only inside my own home. So, I share my story with others.

      • Reading this it gave me chills! I Came from a mom who was very submissive to my dad. And it annoyed me, that she bent over backwards to meet his needs. And he sometimes seemed so unappreciative. I decided at a young age i would have no part in that! I would be a strong woman, and stand up for my rights and be sure A man gave me the respect I so DESERVED!!! and NO man will use me as a doormat! I was sure to find a man that was nothing like my father, ( My father was a wonderfully loving father, but demanding and “old school” please don’t misunderstand )
        I was blessed wonderful husband but would be angry if I sent him to the store after one thing and he came back with the wrong brand or the “hamburger helper with tomatoes”. I justified my frustrations, with I was trying to be a good steward, or he just never listens…etc I then found myself irritated when he got to the point of not able to make simple decisions, He called me first, for evvverrrrything…even for the simplest things. And I would think ( and sometimes even speak it) Cant you make a decision for once!! It came to a point where I was annoyed,and frustrated with our marriage. So I began to pray for HIM, that God would change HIM !! And what God showed me was, I turned a loving, Godly, strong man into an insecure angry wimp!! and then i was unhappy with that! I was so determined to be respected and be treated fairly..that I made myself miserable!! And I cheated myself on the joys of love, marriage, and just pure happiness! Funny thing is when i started to pray “fix him! fix him!” God sent a precious woman to gently open my eyes. And then i was able to pray God “fix me!!” And that is when I realized the true will of God for a woman/wife! And what a blessing and a peace and joy i feel in serving my husband and respecting my husband! The joy i now have in cleaning my house and tending to my babies!! I truly feel A woman can make or break a man. I was breaking my husband, And am so thankful God brought me to my knees before I destroyed him. I am thankful that woman now have a voice! But lets get into the 21st century, woman are heard, woman can vote, work and all the above…why are we still fighting and wearing ourselves out over getting MORE respect, and having an even louder VOICE! I am not even sure that all that has come about since we have all these “rights” that it is soooo great! we have just put so much more responsibility and stress on ourselves! And i don’t know about you ladies but it is exhausting! Working 8 to 12 hours a day, bc we are equal to a man. And still coming home cleaning house, tending to the babies, cooking dinner, we go to bed late at night doing our wifely duties and wake up early for our new equal duties working etc….bc we are so equal!! rt! I

        I know that some Mommies have no other choice, but to work. Also there are single woman with no children that work and Praise God we now have the liberty to work and be heard. Praise God, we are no longer judged my gender, race, etc. But I think there comes a point where us woman have become greedy. A point where satan and society have so confused us, that we don’t realize how we have put ourselves into bondage. And we have caused our own unhappiness, depression, oppression, anger and just plain miserable and worn out!! All bc we stepped out of Gods alignment bc we thought our way was better.

        Thank you Lord for Fixing ME!!!!! I truly never even fathomed the joy I would have being so much more than just a doormat 😉 but a wife!!

  2. People were made for different roles, PEOPLE. Many theologians believe that women were the primary financial supporters of Jesus during his ministry, they were strong and provided. There is a certain amount of feminism that has allowed us to go back to the world God originally intended for us. We cannot create for ourselves another form of legalism. Christ came to give us freedom and it does not matter the role that we serve in life as long as we are serving Christ in that role, male or female, and then the world sees that we live by love. Galatians 3:28

    • Thank you Todd for reading and giving your feedback! I appreciate that and enjoy hearing different opinions.

      I agree that we were each made for a purpose, and we all commonly share the role of serving and living for Christ. I asked my husband, who has a degree in Biblical Studies (so he’s my personal theologian :)), his thoughts on women being the primary financial supporters of Jesus. He responded with this, “Many theologians believe a lot of things, but unless you can convince me with Scripture, I would have a hard time believing that women were Jesus’ financial supporters. I would readily agree that He had many women followers who dedicated much time to following Him and later even teaching His Word, but there is no evidence they gave Him any money, especially considering the fact that women is first-century Judea rarely had money of their own. It’s fairly clear that the women who literally followed Him had little time to work as they were with Him most of the time. If He received any support from them, it would most likely have been obtained from either their husband (Zebedee, father of James and John the Apostles) in the case of Salome, or their brother (Lazarus) in the case of Mary and Martha. For arguments sake, there was Mary, the former prostitute, who poured expensive oil on Jesus’ feet. She may have had some money of her own. Apart from these, I see no evidence of financial support from women.

      Depending upon one’s definition of the term, there was a degree of feminism in the actions of Jesus. By redeeming us from the Curse, Jesus returned value to the femina (Latin for woman). Whereas the Curse left woman in a subjected, subservient position in relation to man (Genesis 3:16), the Atonement returned woman to her original position as a helper who has the free will to submit. Prior to the time of Jesus, women were often viewed as second class citizens, or even property, but Jesus, through His life, teaching, and sacrificial death, gave value to women and elevated them to a position of equal worth.”

      I would add, in regard to “roles,” while Paul made it clear in Galatians that we are equal in our relation to Christ, and equally responsible to Him, Paul also made it clear that we serve different purposes here on Earth. There are many verses that specifically talk to husbands and wives individually. I see no point in this if it is not meant to teach us of our different purposes and roles in life. Genesis 2:18; Proverbs 31; Ephesians 5:21-33; 1 Timothy 2; Titus 2:3-5; 1 Peter 3:1-7

  3. “A Former Feminist” I could write the other side of this tru-ism (is that a word?) and back again. I have been married nearly 38 years. I started out with the determination to not be the ruler of my household and ended up being a doormat, until I said enough! Took 5 years for me to get there. But when I put a stop to it… I put a stop to it!! And in turn became very strong willed… But that’s not where the meet of my story is… My story is about God turning me around.. making me different… One evening after a 4 hr drive with my husband, thru the silence… I blurted out,,,”I can’t live like this anymore” I couldn’t believe these words were coming from me…after 26 years of marriage… me … and he knew… He said neither can I.. He told me “…it’s not that I don’t love you, I do… but I just can’t take the bickering anymore” Wow.. we must have been thinking the same thing..I lowered my head and said ” I love you too… something has got to change”. We rode in silence the rest of the way home. When we arrived, I went straight to our bedroom and fell to my knees… the tears flowed uncontrollably. I began to pray.. “Lord I’ve done all I know to do.. I’ve been a faithful and loyal wife.. I’ve been a good wife.. and if there is something that I have got to change Lord, I don’t know what it is! You are gonna have to show me.” And He did! (Careful what you pray…) and just a few days into my journey, it started with me apologizing to my husband and went from there. There were times, I didn’t like what the Lord was revealing… one thing stand out in my mind. I remember along my journey feeling a bit sorry for myself because after all He was showing a LOT of things I needed to change… anyway and I said”Lord I have been changing all these things and he hasn’t changed any thing.. it’s not fair!” and the Lord replyed (no I don’t hear voices in my head.. It was His urging in my spirit) Who made you?” and I said “No one… I chose to on my own” and he said “OK”… I got it! My choice… But you know we serve a faithful God and He reward our obedience… So I continued to work on me.. and I recon He was working on my husband,, because one day, about a month or so after I had hit my knees beside my bed, my husband walked up behind me and put his arms around me, kissed me on my cheek and said “I love you”… outta the clear blue… And yes He is still working on me…

    • Angie, Thank you so much for reading and sharing your story! I very much enjoyed reading it and knowing there are other women who know and understand. I am just so thankful that I am discovering and seeking God for help on this so early in our marriage. I believe it is very important for me to learn from those ahead of me so I appreciate you telling your story so I, and many others, can learn from it.

      And He will always be working on us for as long as we are here on Earth!

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  5. Reading this it gave me chills! I Came from a mom who was very submissive to my dad. And it annoyed me, that she bent over backwards to meet his needs. And he sometimes seemed so unappreciative. I decided at a young age i would have no part in that! I would be a strong woman, and stand up for my rights and be sure A man gave me the respect I so DESERVED!!! and NO man will use me as a doormat! I was sure to find a man that was nothing like my father, ( My father was a wonderfully loving father, but demanding and “old school” please don’t misunderstand )
    I was blessed wonderful husband but would be angry if I sent him to the store after one thing and he came back with the wrong brand or the “hamburger helper with tomatoes”. I justified my frustrations, with I was trying to be a good steward, or he just never listens…etc I then found myself irritated when he got to the point of not able to make simple decisions, He called me first, for evvverrrrything…even for the simplest things. And I would think ( and sometimes even speak it) Cant you make a decision for once!! It came to a point where I was annoyed,and frustrated with our marriage. So I began to pray for HIM, that God would change HIM !! And what God showed me was, I turned a loving, Godly, strong man into an insecure angry wimp!! and then i was unhappy with that! I was so determined to be respected and be treated fairly..that I made myself miserable!! And I cheated myself on the joys of love, marriage, and just pure happiness! Funny thing is when i started to pray “fix him! fix him!” God sent a precious woman to gently open my eyes. And then i was able to pray God “fix me!!” And that is when I realized the true will of God for a woman/wife! And what a blessing and a peace and joy i feel in serving my husband and respecting my husband! The joy i now have in cleaning my house and tending to my babies!! I truly feel A woman can make or break a man. I was breaking my husband, And am so thankful God brought me to my knees before I destroyed him. I am thankful that woman now have a voice! But lets get into the 21st century, woman are heard, woman can vote, work and all the above…why are we still fighting and wearing ourselves out over getting MORE respect, and having an even louder VOICE! I am not even sure that all that has come about since we have all these “rights” that it is soooo great! we have just put so much more responsibility and stress on ourselves! And i don’t know about you ladies but it is exhausting! Working 8 to 12 hours a day, bc we are equal to a man. And still coming home cleaning house, tending to the babies, cooking dinner, we go to bed late at night doing our wifely duties and wake up early for our new equal duties working etc….bc we are so equal!! rt! I

    I know that some Mommies have no other choice, but to work. Also there are single woman with no children that work and Praise God we now have the liberty to work and be heard. Praise God, we are no longer judged my gender, race, etc. But I think there comes a point where us woman have become greedy. A point where satan and society have so confused us, that we don’t realize how we have put ourselves into bondage. And we have caused our own unhappiness, depression, oppression, anger and just plain miserable and worn out!! All bc we stepped out of Gods alignment bc we thought our way was better.

    Thank you Lord for Fixing ME!!!!! I truly never even fathomed the joy I would have being so much more than just a doormat 😉 but a wife!!

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