Sometimes, especially with young children, we have to plan for sex. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with planned sex! It gives us something to look forward to and plan for. It doesn’t mean we can’t have spontaneous sex, that would just add to the fun!
Funny, honest story (the one I referred to in my very first post): after James and I got married, I was very concerned about our sex life. I had heard many married couples talk about the lack of sex in their lives. I heard married men joke about how “there was something in the wedding cake because now she doesn’t want to be physical with me.” I never wanted, or could imagine, that we would ever have a day we wouldn’t want sex.
Naturally, on the honeymoon, it happened at least once a day! And of course shortly after we got back home, the same habits continued. I thought this was a good pace and knew the day would come when it wouldn’t happen every day. I distinctly remember that day! James said he was so tired and it was ok if we didn’t do it that day. I told him I worried if we missed a day then we would stop having sex. Crazy, I know!!!
Now, over 4 years later, and 2 small children, and co sleeping, I remind him of that story! He says, “I know! I’m stupid!” Haha! He’s not really, but it’s funny to remember that night: the night I believed we should have it every night and he thought missing a night would be ok. He wishes he could go back and slap himself.
But really, I tell you this story because it does need to be a priority in our Christian married life! I need my husband and he needs me! It’s how he shows love! It’s how I feel close to him! It allows us to relax and enjoy each other.
As a husband, who works hard all day outside, has several side jobs mowing, stays up late to spend time with family, gets up super early, etc, he doesn’t always feel up to it either.
With two small children, who happily co-sleep with us sometimes (I’ll be blogging soon why we enjoy co-sleeping) it is a game to figure out how and where we can be together.
God has given us this wonderful gift to enjoy as a married couple! As a Christian wife, I need to make this a priority. Not only does it allow him to express his love for me, in a unique way only for me, but it also bonds us together.
In our world, you don’t have to look far to find the unfaithful. It’s quite sad. Even in the Christian “world.” If I’m pleasing my husband at home, then he has no reason to go look for it somewhere else.
Now before you yell at me that those men are scum and it’s not the wife’s fault, I know every situation has its own story, but hear me out. If he’s happy at home, he won’t go somewhere else! I want my husband to be satisfied sexually. I want to be satisfied sexually. And so, a plan!
Goal: More SEX! Yeah I said it! What husband wouldn’t agree? Be creative! Change it up! I know it is not always easy, especially if you co-sleep, but it can be done! My goal: every other night, but at most, no longer than 3 day gaps!
I made a goal of every other day or, at least, no more than 3 days. Now, wouldn’t you know it, the kids won’t sleep and they need extra attention the week I made that goal! So should I give up? No way!
Some ask, “How do you co-sleep and still have sex?” Lots of creativity is the answer! I’m actually still learning to master this skill 😉 but I’m enjoying the process. So, any co-sleepers out there with tips, feel free to share!
My Plan (and tips):
– get them asleep in safe positions and go somewhere else
– get them to sleep in their own beds
– get them asleep in your bed and move them to their own beds
– kids sleepover at gparents (if they are open to co-sleeping since the kids will probably do better if they are)
– out on a date 😉
So, yes we plan it sometimes, and we enjoy that! It’s fun for us! I think it’s important to talk to your spouse about your sex life and figure out what works best for you both. We enjoy some of the fun stuff too, but, in this season in our lives, it doesn’t get to happen as often. We make it work for us and our schedule and our family.
How do you/did you make time and room for this with young children in your life?