So to answer some of the questions.
I will say I have three children. Two here and one in Heaven. She counts! Doesn’t always need an explanation, but still to be known. And to the first time mom who has miscarried, you are a mom! Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
There is no set time to stop grieving. I will always grieve for this baby, but I know with time I will heal and not grieve in the same way. I will rejoice for this life and always be sad at what would have been, but I know God is with me. He is still by my side in my anger at him, at my distrust in Him. He knows what I feel so there is no use in hiding it from Him. Instead I cry and yell at Him. He’s a BIG God who can take it.
I believe I will meet her some day. I have no idea what she will look like or how she will appear to me, but we have no idea what any of us will look like. What I do know is that she was MINE and that I will know her the minute I see her! My love will never end for her.
God does not will everything to happen. He instead allows things to happen to us. He heard us cry for our baby. I may never understand why He didn’t intervene, but many have felt this exact same way when a loved one is ill and dying. We don’t have all the answers. That doesn’t mean there was a “reason” or that it was His Will, it just means it is.
I don’t know why it didn’t hurt more physically, but my heart aches for this baby, so instead I choose to remember and honor her.
Although it may be sad to be reminded, I need and want to be reminded of her daily! She is now a part of this family and I want her to be there everyday.