Miscarriage: The Pregnancy

I don’t know about you, but if my period is a minute late my heart starts beating faster. Am I pregnant?!?!? It doesn’t take long for me to begin searching what my due date would be and names if it is another boy. I began imagining that baby in our lives, in my arms. Pictures of the bassinet in our room, me in the hospital bed, Conner and Elias kissing the baby, proud Daddy of three gleaming with joy, all run through my head. I take test after test looking for that faint line.

I know not everyone feels this level of excitement if they think they are late, but to me it is pure joy! For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted a large family. From the moment James and I started talking about kids, we agreed, the more the merrier! We welcome all of God’s blessings to our family.

Having said that, my love for the baby that is to come, grows stronger and stronger each day I’m late. And a positive pregnancy test? Well that just confirms it!

I’m pregnant!!! Will this one be a girl… like everyone else wants ;-)? What will we name this baby if it’s a boy? What will the pregnancy entail? Will I be put on bed rest because of my preterm baby? Will I make it full term and have a successful natural VBAC? What if I miscarry????

I hate that the thought even entered my mind, but I worried. I knew so many women who had miscarried after two or three children, and I feared that I was “due.”

Isn’t that terrible???!!! The thought of this kind of loss was unimaginable to me, and it is horrible that I assumed I would face it at some point.

What was it like and why does it happen? I never understood the loss of a child and how anyone could handle it.

Since January 20, 2012, our family has faced one trail after another. I won’t go into much detail, but I had just suffered through a terrible case of mastitis, and was barely on the road to recovery, when our dear friends and pastors announced their departure from our church (which we fully support and understand), followed by a bit of a nasty church business meeting.

To say the positive pregnancy test the next morning, January 30th, was a bright light in a dark time, is an understatement. Throughout that week, as other dark points tried to loom about, I hung on my thoughts and prayers for our sweet baby to come! I just knew this was God’s gift in a difficult time.

That Friday, my husband was in a car accident and we were now down to one vehicle. Again, I sighed relief because we were having another baby and our life is amazing!

I was over a week late before we ever got a positive test, which we attributed to me being sick, but I still dreamt of the “what if I am pregnant?” Once the test showed PREGNANT, I cried! How exciting!!!! I’ve never been one to wait too long to announce that I am pregnant. For one, I cannot keep it a secret because I am just too excited, and for two, if something were to happen, I want my friends and family to pray for and with me.

Elias’ first birthday party was coming up, so this was the perfect time to announce it to our families and friends, and then church the next morning.

Read Miscarriage: A Death in the Family


7 thoughts on “Miscarriage: The Pregnancy

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